There’s a guy down in California who’s giving away his sperm, which, as statements go, is sort of like saying there’s a guy over in France eating a baguette. But I’m not even talking about your average one-handed web surfer, I’m talking about a guy who’s literally handing, with his hand, and just his hand, a cup of his DNA to a willing recipient. (I realize, thanks to CSI, that pretty much everything on our bodies has DNA in it. A cup of hair is a cup of DNA, and a lousy Christmas gift, in case you were wondering. But you know what I mean).
And the government doesn’t like it. Or did I just repeat myself? There’s a guy who is providing, free of charge I might add, some assistance to needy individuals, and the government is not at all pleased. Sorry if I sounded a bit libertarian there. I was looking at the Libertarian’s web page (two hand surfing, so don’t worry) to see how many of them had been elected to office. One so far, to Whitewater City Council, in Wisconsin. I guess I got all inspired.
People put an ad on Craigslist, looking for a donor, and this guy replies. Some people play World of Warcraft, some people cruise Craigslist, looking to give away sperm. No one should be judged for their hobbies.
So the sperm askers and the sperm tosser (couldn’t help myself) sign a contract absolving him of any fathering responsibility, and he accepts no payment. Then, when the time is right, he hands them a cup with the goods, and they go off to take care of the rest. I can only assume there are candles involved, a turkey baster of course, and some Barry White. Did you know that the music of Barry White can increase, um, lubrication, so to speak, by up to 200%? It’s true: I read it on Yahoo! Answers.
But the government says he needs to get tested before each donation. You know, for hepatitis and syphilis and possibly rickets. But why? That’s my question. Because there’s a sterile plastic cup involved? Can you imagine the uproar if the government tried to pass a law saying every potential father must get tested before any attempted insemination procedure? Not that it wouldn’t make nightclubs a little different.
Bartender: What’ll you have?”
Guy with popped collar: “A seven and seven for the lady, and for me, a W-5 Intention to Inseminate.”
Bartender: “Long form?”
Guy, glancing at girl: “Hell yeah, bro!”
So far this guy’s got 14 kids already, with 4 more on the way. And yes, in my opinion, that’s creepy. But should the government get to fine him $10,000 a pop (sorry) for each untested donation? Not unless they’re willing to spend the money on free Barry White CDs for every couple in the nation trying to have a baby. Did you know Barry White was the sole cause of the Baby Boom? (Source: Yahoo! Answers)