Today’s NaBloPoMo Prompt: Free Write
Today is not May 30th, it’s June 1st. I am back-posting this or back-dating or whatever the @#$%^& you call it. Sorry for the French there. I’m a little frustrated. I got low blood sugar! No, I don’t. I wish I did. I wish I had low blood sugar. That would mean I hadn’t eaten MY ENTIRE @#$%^& HOUSE. Okay sorry, sorry, just a little melodrama there to get the blood pumping. The high-fructose corn-syrup-flavored blood that’s oozing through my fat, corpulent veins. Oh god. Oh god why. Why did I eat all of those fake tagalongs! They weren’t even real tagalongs! I don’t even have enough self respect to eat an entire box of actual tagalongs! What the #$%^&* are tagalongs? That’s what my wife calls them, I don’t even know what they are. But I ate ‘em! The fake ones I mean! Ate the whole dag-darn box of em! Ain’t and I ain’t even ashamed!
Except I am, deeply ashamed, deeply bitterly ashamed. I ate them and I missed writing this and posting it on actual May 30th. What a weekend. What a weekend! Me and the house and those nnnrrr nrrrrr nrrrrnrnrnr tagalongs. Nrrr indeed.
But you know what? It’s no big deal, right? No one reads this stupid blog of mine, right? And even if they DO, they CERTAINLY don’t read the stuff I back-day or back post or whtever the nrnrnrnrnrnnr hhrrmmm ggrrfggf….
I did go for a run today. I did. Eight miles, jack. There were even a few hills in there, I got to say. Did the conversion. Checked the box to see how many calories I ate, checked the mileage charts to see how many calories I burned, and! And! All I have to do! Is go for another run! To burn the rest! Just one more run! Just one more 254 MILE RUN!
I do this. I get all excited about a thing, like NaBloPoMo, I get all excited and write like a fiend and then when there’s only TWO DAYS LEFT I let a stupid little box of fake tagalongs SEDUCE ME and I’m wiped out. Done. Finito, as the French say.
Tail between my legs, back-posting this two days late. I’m not a man. I’m a fake cookie.
Today’s NaBloPoMo Photo Prompt: Nightlife