Writing Exercise: Narrated Monologue

The following needs work, a lot of work, but will do for now, as an experiment. More or less I wrote the parts in quotes first. Then I decided to write the rest as if someone was listening and disagreeing. I think it’s a fine exercise, and one I can do again sometime, as it establishes conflict and tension, the basic energy which moves any story. Where it goes wrong is when the narrator starts talking back, instead of just describing. I maybe got a little too close to the subject matter. Oh well.

A big ol’ fat guy, too fat for the little suit he was wearin’, lookin’ like a punk except for punks is skinny little shits and this guy wasn’t skinny, like I said, but you know, he had that punk attitude, call it punkitude, like he was always sniffin’ back and snortin’ cause he thought the world belong on his pinkie ring (he wasn’t wearing no rings, that’s just a description) walked up to the mic and tapped like he wanted to make sure it worked even though we all heard what the last asshole had to say, and then he says:

“We are looking at this from the bottom-up; let’s look at it from the top-down.”

And I’m all like, what the hell? Bottoms and tops and shit like that, this is a government proceeding, this ain’t no philosophy class. Damn it I hate liberals, I really do, like they went and got an education, big whoop, and now they want to use it all the time. God damn. So then he goes:

“Why is that, in this country, a black un-armed teen can be gunned-down without consequence, while a group of armed white men can get away with pointing guns at police?”

Because of statistics you fat dumb shit heel. Looks like you picked the wrong set of classes at that college of yours. Look at the numbers, they’re right there for anyone to see them. Black crime, black on black crime…when was the last time you saw a bunch of white kids walking along the street and another white kid drives by in a mini-van and opens fire? never, you dumb sumbitch.

“Because there’s no single unifying voice for black teenagers. There IS a unifying voice for armed white men.”

Oh really? You’re saying there’s one voice who speaks for all the god-fearing men out there who respect and practice their second amendment rights? You mean, besides Jesus? Don’t get me started, brother. If Jesus was alive today, hell yeah he’d carry. He’d take one look at your suit and your education and your holier-than thou attitude and he’d go money-changer-crazy all over again.

“And it’s as simple as that. What one voice will tell the most people how to vote in the next election?”

Well, you got me there, pardner. I have no idea what you’re talking about. Which is typical– y’all open up your big fat mouths and puke words all over the place and you don’t say a god damned thing. For all your feel-good and do-right and peace-love-bullshit, you sure do confuse the ever loving crap out of folks. And I’m thinkin’ you do it on purpose.

“I’m all for fighting police corruption, dismantling institutional racism, creating better gun laws, and raising the standard of living for all Americans.”

Better gun laws? I think you mean fewer gun laws? Gun laws don’t save lives, jack-ass. Men with guns save lives. Its a war out there, fella, and you don’t fight wars with regulations and rulebooks. You do it with hit lead and body bags. I see a guy with a gun, I don’t care what color he is, black, hispanic, asian, doesn’t matter. I don’t discriminate. And as for police corruption? You’re going to say some guy who beat up a junkie without reading him his rights represents all of the cops who put their lives on the line to protect us every day? Go ahead, get rid of the cops, you idiot, and we’l;l see how long you last without a gun on your hip.

“But the number one most destructive force in this country, right now, is the voice that lies.”

At last we agree. Well, no we don’t agree, but at least I know what you’re saying now. You are the liar. You’re the one spreads sedition and infamy, to quote the founders. But I’d be flattering you if I told you that you’re the most destructive force in this country right now. I don’t want to give you that satisfaction. Nah son, the most destructive force is the liberal conspiracy to turn all of us into welfare queers and drug addicts. It’s the government that forces us to pay taxes so shits like you don’t have to work. Its socialism, and taking away our guns, and lesbians and comedians on TV bringing up ‘facts’ as a a way to trick people into thinking they’re the problem, not the cure. Well don’t worry, dumbass. I know which side of the fence I’m standing on.

“Want to fix America? Find a way to silence the liars.”

Amen, brother. Now shut up.

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