(1)It is difficult to express the way in which the character who says this says this, for it is a manifestation of both facial expression and sound. Begin by inhaling deeply, then pursing the lips, pressing the sides of the tongue strongly against the insides of the top teeth. Next, maintain a normal speaking tone as the "sh" is exaggerated, then open the throat and drop the tone as the ooo" comes out, keeping the tongue and teeth in position, and finally rise the tone of the "ooo" above the original tone, sound the "rrr" by curling the tip of the tongue up and back, and drop the tone as the "rrr" fades away. This technique of saying "sure" was realized by John Swanson(2) in the fall of 1997 as a method for better enjoying Halls Cough Drops, Wintergreen flavor; the intake of breath cools the throat and there are not a few connotations that resound between the meaning of the word and the feeling of the cool as it bounces out of the throat, over the tongue, and out the month. Swanson developed the technique to such a level that few are able to reproduce it, such that the taste of the cough drop lingers in that ephemeral space between the curled-back tongue and the insides of the lip, the sound escaping all the while, and as the sound dies the taste rises over the roof of the mouth, back into the throat, and into the nasal region, achieving a certain lightheadedness. And this is where lesser craftsmen of the technique fail, for there must be despite the lightheadedness no contradiction between the user's subsequent activities and the connotations of the word "sure". Indeed, Only Swanson himself is believed to have perfected the technique, legend having it that he could pop a drop into his mouth, wet it sufficiently with saliva despite his smoking habit, and emit the sure to such an extent that that entire drop was consumed, his entire lung capacity was utilized, his head becoming so lightheaded that he had in-depth conversations with God about the erasability of Banana Boats(3), and all of this occurring in the same amount of time it would take an average person to fish for his wallet, produce sufficient bills, and buy an additional bag of Halls Cough Drops, Wintergreen Flavor.

(2)John Anthony Swanson, 1962-2053, Author, Critic, Entrepreneur, Philanthropist. March Seventh, Swanson's birthday, was made an official holiday by both Pope Pious XVIII and President Juan Olivierez in 2017 owing to Swanson's "dedication to pedigological philanthropy not excluding the building of several libraries, children's parks, and a high school in Greater Danville, Ohio(4), as well as his maintenance of the nation's sanity through his fiction(5), in a time when moral decay seemed inevitable and our nation's children and indeed, the children of the world, were murdering their mothers in the street" (Wilson(6), 214). Most of the moneys that Swanson donated during the altruistic(7) years of his life was made by his Carrot Dog(8) company, which earned Swanson considerable cash despite his insistence that they be sold at rock-bottom prices so that even the poorest hungry could eat one, with relish (no pun intended(9)).

(3)see subfootnote on Carrot Dogs.(8)

(4)John Swanson Memorial Highschool(10), built for the otherwise impoverished town to accommodate the growing student population and the overcrowding of its otherwise only institution, Hope High. Swanson is said to have met his life long mate and wife Candy Dufresne(11)while on a book signing tour when his car broke down outside Greater Danville. Despite the insistence of Greater Danville's founding fathers that this is not only the truth but justification for John Land, now the nation's largest amusement park, making more than Disneyland, the Epcot Center, and Six Flags over Sonora combined, Swanson himself said in an interview: "I've never really met Candy- she is not the sort of woman a man meets. She is angelic, she is musical, she is the sort of soul-mate that one comes to know the moment God Himself creates two people who are destined to be forever together. I love that chick! Digget?" (Wilson, 412). When asked why he decided to build a highschool there, Swanson replies, "They got good fishing, yeah, and I like their KFC's there. Very clean."

(5)Swanson invented and perfected the Random-Obvious school of fictionality, a technique that at its best subverts the very foundation of safe linearality and even at its worst is damn funny and a hoot to read out loud at parties, sock hops, and jamborees. It involves both the use of seemingly chaotic plot development at the same time as recurrent characterizations and non-symbolic icons. Swanson claims that the style is nothing more than taking everything that is called wrong or bad in fiction and utilizing it, such as point of view shifts, unrealized tangential metaphors, and gestalt fracturing subtextual repersonifications of letters of the alphabet, but all attempts by students(12) of the Random-Obvious to accomplish Swanson's techniques by following these guidelines have failed so miserably that more than one mass-suicide(13) has been seen in and around the San Jose area,

(6)A critic and scholar, Wilson's holds several honorary degrees for his work on Swanson, Nedwards, Brillingham, and Wilson. He is recognized as the foremost authority on Swanson's work and life. See his Swan Swanson Song for a complete biography of Swanson's life.

(7)Of course, Swanson's entire life was lived altruistically.

(8)Swanson coined the food item, if such a phrase is appropriate, in one of his early Random-Obvious stories (see appropriate footnote), and, like all creations of true genius, it was soon discovered that what Swanson believed to be a random creative event on the page had actually turned into an obvious source of nutrition for the most impoverished nations of the world and a sophisticated delicacy sought after by movie producers and the Royal Family alike. It consists of simply a carrot, boiled or raw, in a hot dog bun, with condiments such as mustard ketchup sauerkraut. It was inevitable that, having invented the perfect dinner item, Swanson went on to invent the perfect desert item, the Banana Boat: a banana in an eclair-type bun, topped with chocolate sauce, peanut butter, nuts, or any other desert topping. Tradition calls for the meal to be consumed with milk.

(9)An oblique reference to the phrase of 1998, after the incident in San Francisco, California. A friend of Swanson's fellow writer Jaso Nedwards, was visiting with still another friend of Swanson's, the eminent scholar Kara Schwartz, at her parents home in San Francisco. Nedwards soon discovered Schwartz' mother's hatred of puns, and began to use them as often as possible through the evening over dinner of canned Lentil soup and Carrot Dogs. Schwartz' mother became irate, barricaded herself and Nedwards and Schwartz in the house, and threatened extreme violence matching that of the holocaust, the bay of pigs, and the Waco event. Swanson arrived on the scene, and, bullhorn in hand as he bravely dodged bullets fired by Schwartz' mother, he calmly shouted "No Pun Intended" to her until she calmed down and let her hostages go before consuming an entire can of Lentil soup that her daughter had refused to take home with her. Thankfully, Swanson was trained in the art of regurgitation and was able to bring Schwartz' mother out of her coma.

(10)The inspiration for Nedward's "Scary Sock Hop Story" which appears in two of his anthologies: Scary Stories and The Chronicles of Sillia, both of which were critically acclaimed but popularly ignored.

(11)See Wilson's brilliant analysis of Swanson's "I Like Candy," a poem which has been anthologized in Norton, Cambridge, New American, and Bedford. Wilson treats the poem at once as an ode and as a non-sonnet, and surmises that within the lines there is actual proof that Dufresne and Swanson had their soul's made at the same time by God, and were intended to always be together. Wilson then points out that Swanson wrote the poem even before he had himself come to this same realization, and that thus the unconscious elements of the poem were manifested by God himself, giving credence to Wilson's theory that Dufresne may, in fact, be a god(14).

(12)Student's of Swanson's Random-Obvious School traditionally pay homage to Swanson by including in their fiction Carrot Dogs, sock hops, jamborees, and bears.

(13)Fortunately, all the students who committed suicide were mo-fugly(15), and probably deserved to die anyway.

(14)The Cult of Candy was established a few years after Swanson's and Dufresne's marriage, and was for the most part a rationalization by it's believers so that they were able to deal with the loss of both Dufresne and Swanson from the dating pool. By elevating Dufresne to god status, they believed, nuns and monks of the cult could "marry" her (or him) as a condition of their membership.

(15)Motherfucking-ugly.