1. Hugh Downs of “60 Minutes” fame is actually of “20/20” fame.

  2. Half of all Americans have kids if they are women, become pregnant, and carry the baby to term.

  3. The most popular name for boats for blind people? “Meaningless Smear.”

  4. No number less than 1000, when squared, is greater than 1000. The result, however, may be.

  5. Women inventors named Edna Spoon are never credited in history books for having invented Table Cloths. This is in large part because they didn’t.

  6. Honey is the only food that doesn't spoil. Cheese is the only food that doesn't care.

  7. No collect calls made on Father’s day in Wisconsin occur in the month of August.

  8. Despite most not having lips, fish would not wear lipstick anyway: allergies.

  9. Skepticisms is the longest word that starts with the letters skepticis-.

  10. Ragweed, laid end to end, will never be utilized by Rembrandt to manifest field art: he’s been dead for too long, critics agree.

  11. Wrigley’s gum, containing no trace amounts of californium (element number 98) is still preferred to radioactive isotopes as an alternate to smoking in LA bars where smoking is illegal.

  12. No piece of square dry paper can be boiled into a fondue.

  13. On the ground a group of lions is known as a “pride”, but shot out of a big African slingshot they are known, while still airborne, as a “brace.”

  14. Left-handed cars are illegal in Bangor, Maine.

  15. Five of the 10 million bricks in the Empire State Building have names. Two have pedigrees.

  16. More second helpings are eaten than first helpings.

  17. A coroner was fired from the Sedgwick County Medical Examiner’s Office for writing “extra tasty crispy” on the autopsy report of a burn victim. His name? Coroner Sanders.

  18. Crocodile teeth are an anti-aphrodisiac for small rodents, especially if still attached to a live crocodile.

  19. An earth the size of the sun would make Nancy’s Hair Salon in Ipwich the size of Asia.

  20. Given the human skeletal structure, beds should be called “appliances,” not “furniture.”

  21. Technically, "Jiffy Pop" should actually be called "Duodekajiffy Pop."

  22. Porcupines float in water, unless painted a gentle mauve.

  23. Pinocchio’s eyes are made of balsa-- the rest of him is cedar.

  24. “The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog” would be a pointless puzzle on "Wheel of Fortune."

  25. Whatever time it may be, it is always "Clogging Time."

    Children's books are rarely
    purchased by actual children.

  26. Baseballs pitched faster than 120 mph are no longer waterproof.

  27. Of the 15 “Jacobian” letters of the alphabet, 6 are also “Edwardian.”

  28. No chickens were harmed in the filming of Airport.

  29. A Three Toed Sloth is called that because the fourth and fifth toe are actually a kind of knuckle.

  30. Bat urine bounces if mixed with powdered bone and chilled.

  31. No two termites will survive being glued together.

  32. The dentist’s chair was invented by an electrician.

  33. Although we get the phrase “tilting at windmills” from Don Quixote, merely tilting a windmill must be attributed to Galileo.

  34. It would take more hedgehogs’ hearts than have ever existed to fill up the sun.

  35. Camels have three eyelids over each eye. The middle one is the crunchiest.

  36. A donkey’s ears can be used as spoons if frozen and not on the donkey.

  37. Human teeth chew; buffalo teeth masticate; tiger teeth rend; Helen Teeth types.

  38. A mole the size of Utah could dig a hole through the earth in just three days.

  39. Pillows stuffed with garlic are used to cure baldness in the Amazon.

  40. Baby hippos are called "gertrudes."

  41. “Groovy” comes from the difference between dime stores and nickel stores. (dime’s have grooved edges, nickels don’t).

  42. Pennies stacked to the height of the empire state building would barely pay for a used 87’ Honda Civic four door.

  43. Benjamin Franklin’s middle name was "Tennessee."

  44. If the moon were made of green cheese, it would weigh significantly less.

  45. A cockroach’s head can live up to three minutes without its body.

  46. The sugar used to make a stamp sticky is known as “Fool’s Sugar.”

  47. A good way to suppress dreaming is to sleep while hanging upside-down.

  48. The federal government requires that all TVs manufactured after 1975 be strong enough to support the weight of a '66 Desoto.

  49. In Canada, Frosted Flakes is called “Flakes-So-Frosty.”

  50. Omaha, Nebraska, used to be in Idaho.

    Cartoons were invented by the Cossacks.

  51. Every bone in the human body not made of bone is classified as non-bone by pathologists.

  52. The first artificial thigh was made of concrete.

  53. "Oh Say Can You See," the first five words of the American National Anthem, were inspired by Francis Scott Key’s brother-in-law, Jose Canoosi.

  54. It is illegal to own more than three peacocks in Canada.

  55. If all the chickens that are eaten every year were able to fly, and were still alive, and flew together, they would be able to block out the sun over New York City for five minutes.

  56. Alligators lose 10% of their body weight if transported to England.

  57. Dogs in Iceland meow.

  58. Every fifth heart beat in a meadowlark goes “thwimp” instead of “thwump.”

  59. Thomas Edison never ate cheese on Sundays.

  60. Eating elephants is called "rhumbophasia."

  61. Gummi bears are soporific in winter.

  62. Dolphins sleep with one eye open, making REM spooky.

  63. Chewing gum is stickier if chewed by a bald man with B positive blood.

  64. A sneeze in space can send an astronaut from one end of the space shuttle to the other in less than two seconds.

  65. “Plastic Flamingos” is the most popular 3.2 beer bar name in Michigan.

  66. 30-year old men in ancient Egypt were referred to as “old.”

  67. Green toothbrushes are reserved for royalty in Monaco.

  68. It is impossible to write a letter to Lily Tomlin while sneezing one sneeze.

  69. Smaller breasts move through more space when a woman breathes, as much as sixteen miles in a lifetime.

  70. Stealing spoons from the white house is a federal offense.

  71. A slug’s nose will not hold as much Creme-de-Menthe as it will Baily’s.

  72. The number of atoms in a glass jar is equal to the number of grains of sand in Picasso, New Mexico.

  73. Lightning is magnetic.

  74. Owls were once believed to carry the souls of the dead from were the body lay to Goleridge, North Dakota.

  75. Pepsi and Coca-cola differ in only the eighth decimal place.

    Edison's first turnatable was
    lubricated with egg-whites.

  76. Cars made of tobacco wrappers require a special license plate in Switzerland.

  77. When the Pony Express was started in 1833, stamps cost 2 cents. That pays for about eighteen words in today’s average letter.

  78. Bee hair is unresponsive to shampoo.

  79. The Eskimo version of the Nintendo 64 game “Beetle Adventure Racing” does not include the secret “alien” bug, but instead has a “polar bear Passat.”

  80. Peanutbutter fishes do not exist. PBnJ fishes, on the other hand, do.

  81. Coffee in Bangladesh is restricted by law and cannot be sold to minors not in the military.

  82. Katydid, katydidn’t, and katywoulda are all bugs of the order orthoptera.

  83. Taiwanese wheat markets do not sell rye.

  84. The worst selling Pokemon product: Pokemonopoly.

  85. Starfishes and stomachs both regrow after being chopped up by a bad lobster.

  86. Elephants can’t jump. Camel’s can’t dunk.

  87. A penguin swims past Fort Bradgering, Antarctica, every three hours.

  88. Since it’s discovery, the letter Q has been misused more than any other letter.

  89. All of the bones in your feet, if laid end-to end, would be longer than you body and that of four of your children.

  90. Nickel-beer costs about seven and a half cents.

  91. Cookies made without cumin are popular pretty much everywhere.

  92. Harry Texas is the real name of a green grocer in Vermont.

  93. Tongues do not grow after age 33.

  94. No words rhyming with purple, orange, or month refer to animal husbandry.

  95. Cabbage is used for cole slaw; bokchoy is used for baba slaw.

  96. The longest fortune cookie fortune ever printed read: “you will meet a tall, dark stranger wearing orange suspenders and leaky galoshes; your lucky numbers are 3 and 413 and your lucky day of the week is Sonntag.” (Sonntag is German for Sunday.)

  97. Hiccups were invented by Polish immigrants.

  98. Giraffe tongues are multicolored and are used (dried) to decorate weddings in Dublin.

  99. Onion flavored gum doesn’t exist for long.

  100. One pencil for every car in the US would kill approximately eighteen square miles of forest.