Sharon Bluto, of Narrangset, NY, can whistle through her nose, but only one song: "Irish Eyes Are Smilin’".
Police have to buy their own pants in Paris.
Frogs are grouped in “bundles” unless there are 11 or more, in which they are grouped into “batches.”
The only way for a clock to not be exactly right twice a day is for it to keep 100% perfect time but be a few minutes off.
Why did the Yugo fail? One reason: the horn worked by pulling, not pushing.
Cards made in Madagascar dissolve in water
Baron Zanz, of England, in 1896, accidentally declared war on himself -and lost. The battle lasted four minutes. He blamed his guides.
“Rubbish,” “trash,” “garbage,” “junk,” and “refuse” are actually not synonymous, but each are to be used depending on the fat content of the waste.
Jets used to leave behind not a water vapor trail but a koolaid vapor trail, oh, yeah.
Tongues are longer in springtime.
Male seahorses bear the offspring, but still won’t change the diapers.
Paper that is seven inches thick is nearly impossible to rip and almost never causes a papercut.
Everest is so high, snow doesn’t fall on it; snow “settles.”
Trains are named like boats, but usually after pet Irish setters.
There’s enough carbon in one medium weight (11k) diamond to feed a family of five if they ate very small amounts of very hard carbon instead of food.
The less popular “steam” detector works only on houses that are underwater when they catch on fire.
Although a flea can leap up to 150 times it’s own length, it cannot, however, pole vault.
The “golden” ratio can be found empirically my measuring the distance from the ground to a woman’s navel, and dividing it by her overall height. By this standard, Barbie is barely “yellow.”
Donkey’s seldom kill their owner by poisoning their tea.
1 in every 4 Americans has appeared on television. 1 in every 4,000,000 Americans has eaten a television.
Samson killed the Philistines with the jawbone of an ass. Damon killed the krazinites with the clavicle of a partridge.
Sleeping in the fetal position burns more calories than sleeping in free-fall.
The entire moon could fit into the volume if the Pacific Ocean if the water wasn’t there or it was made of that same stuff packing peanuts are made of.
There is a spot on your foot that, when stimulated, prevents gingivitis.
Bees are allergic to lightbulbs.
Most of the successful fashion designers of the 1830’s were partially blind in one eye.
Given the strict structure of nomenclature in Germany, the football World Cup is there known as the World Colander.
The germs detected in holy water are not holy, nor evil, but indifferent.
Famous inventor Thomas Edison had two brothers, one of whom sold refrigerator magnets well before the invention of the refrigerator.
The Nation Gardening Society officially demarcates the difference between gardening as hobby and gardening as therapy at 10,000 dollars spent per year.
"Acorns" is a one gamete oxymoron. Get it? “A” corn”s.”
When cannibalism becomes necessary, don’t forget the skin- it’s where the vitamins are.
Tastebuds themselves taste awful.
Women blink nearly twice as much as men, but about half as fast.
Bowling pins are aerodynamically perfect.
Blood pressure drops slightly at 3:42, post-meridian.
Jellyfish can get arthritis.
Tongues bruise like any other muscle, can even cramp up, but very few nautilus machines exist to increase their size.
A legume is neither a leg nor named for David Hume.
The past tense of sneeze is sneezed but the past participle is snozen.
Freud called popping the fingers Knöchelorgasmus, “knucklegasms”
Half of every dollar spent in the US goes toward fifty percent of the nation's purchases per annum (per year).
When you think about it, eating stomach is kind of funny.
Where ever you go, there you are. Where ever you went, there you where. Wherever you will be going, there you will be. But where ever you will having been going to, there you will have would have being been.
Railroad tracks made of Juicy Fruit gum lose their rigidity in above-freezing temperatures.
Every king in the 1700s who had a moustache was either assassinated or just died.
Tori Spelling owns three Boeing 747s, named for her kittens.
The misnomer “humans only use ten percent of their brains” can be attributed to the incorrect interpretation of CAT scans. (Note: the use of misnomer in the previous sentences was a misnomer, as was the uses in this sentence.)
Rocks have teeth, called sediodentia, which they use to chew very very very slowly.
The thigh bone is connected to the... hip bone.
Christmas in Denmark is on Dec. 22.
Solar-powered spit suckers at the dentist’s are so efficient they even work in a total eclipse.
Weightlowering is a far more difficult Olympic event. Only two countries send athletes: Thailand, and of course, Russia.
Seawater is so salty that French fries dipped in seawater require no ketchup.
Blonde hair grows faster on non-blondes than on blondes. Just not as often.
The minimum daily requirement for vitamin C for bats is roughly the same as for very small chickens.
Iron supplements can reduce the risk of “spider-baiting.”
Air-pressure problems on international flights can be detected easily because they change the taste of croutons.
Ragweed Cactus, a hybrid, contains no chipotle.
There is such a thing as lamb-bacon, but it makes for horrible “L-BLTs”
Hay fever was once not an allergy, but a condition where a person became crazy for hay.
Somehow, a jumbo shrimp is smaller than a miniature poodle.
Venus is called that because Jupiter was going to be used later.
As a matter of fact, Bruce Springsteen was not only Born in the USA, he also lives there.
Too many cooks spoil the broth. Not enough cooks forget to make it.
"Fingernail Souffle," a delicacy in France, acts an aphrodisiac when eaten by toucans.
Mummy toes rarely hold polish well.
Despite it’s name, cyanide is not blue. It’s puce.
“An apple sleeps in the nurse’s cots” was the code to start the war of 1812.
Heart beats come in groups of roughly three million, called “megatrips.”
Eye doctors spend three months more in medical school than nose and ear doctors.
Pickled herring can be relished.
Grapeshot, a kind of projectile in days of yore, smelled like peanuts after being shot.
Knock-knee’d was a requirement for the job of concubine in the court of King James.
Part of a Chinese postal worker’s salary includes shoelaces.
Brain damage can occur in very high winds, with or without debris, because of rapid pressure changes.
Vikings did not invent spam.
Tom Sawyer was christened Thomas Alanis Wysteria Sawyer the first draft of the novel.
Crop dusting of another kind can be achieved with one motherfucking huge feather duster.
Beethoven’s “Ode to Joy” is more an etude than an ode.
As a matter of fact, it never actually "Rains" in Seattle: the meteorological phenomena there is known as "Pugetting."
There is more junk on the moon than there is in Central Park.
The lesser known Disgusting National Product (DNP) is also a significant indicator of growth.
Penny’s stamped the same size as nickels, out of nickel, with the figure of Jefferson on one side instead of Lincoln, and Monticello on the other instead of the Lincoln Memorial, are often mistook for actual nickels.
Smelling salts work on the unconscious; seeing dice do not.
Below about minus thirty degrees, it doesn’t matter whether you’re talking Fahrenheit or Celsius.
The tail bone in humans is more like a Doberman pinscher's than it is a monkey's, (apes don’t have tails).
No beer was consumed during the construction of the Hoover dam by any of the laborers between three to midnight June 13 and 12:06 ante meridian June 14th, 1933.
When lawyers sue train stations, they are actually suing the owners.
Wilt Chamberlains heart was preserved and sits on the desk of his number three fan, Burt Kosumel of Stoat, South Dakota.
Rivers in Canada do not flow, they run.
Monterey William, a mild variation of cheddar, melts faster on apple pie than Jack.
An anteater’s tongue is longer than it’s liver.
In early American history, a fiddle was put on trial, found guilty, and burned. A viola was also put on trial, found innocent, but burned anyway.
Deserts are natural ovens, if warm enough. You can bake a potato beneath the sand as fast as you would be able to in a very slow oven.
Sea level is higher in the middle of the Pacific than it is in the middle of the Atlantic.
Along with pamplets, Thomas Paine also printed amusing t-shirts.
Gattliing guns can shred paper faster than a “shredder” can.
Ancient Egyptians used the term “nasty” to describe pickle and jellyfish sandwiches.
You can make glue out of rabbit hide- but you shouldn’t.
The fizz in Cherry Coke, unlike that of Tab, contributes to the flavor at warmer temperatures.
Tea with sugar, use a luger; tea with honey, bombs are funny (old Absinthe rhyme).
Folding chairs were invented by the Knights Templar.
