Klobdomania-- the desire to wear other people’s shoes-- does not occur in half Malaysian half Scottish women named Edna.
To obtain clear skin, ancient Greeks used mussels.
Two wrongs don’t make a right, but two evils do.
“Elephants born in dirty houses don’t make good roomates” is a popular expression for political instability in Chad.
Life the game, Life the Cereal, and Life the jail sentence, are all owned by Hasbro.
A pyramid made out of Hanson was discovered in New Dehli, once
The rings in a tree, squared, are no longer round.
Tonsils, yes. “Toe”nsils, no.
“Yield” signs on highways are made of the cheapest metals, while “Monorail Crossing” signs are made of rare adamentine.
Bills Clinton checks for e-mail on average 11.8 times a day. Usually to delete forwarded “Microsoft Pays Cash To Test It’s Tracking Software” messages.
Part of Godzilla’s costume during the “Belinger” years of filming (1953-58) was made of hemp.
Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
Fitness freaks note: sweat causes whooping cough.
The distance between Mars and Venus represented by 1 gynandro, is a unit developed by NASA to exploit and measure the difference between where men and women are “from.” To date, 17 microgynandro (mGa) is the furthest a man has ever walked for a Camel.
Washing dishes is a punishable misdeamoner in half of Isaac Asimov’s novels.
Trivial Pursuit Cookies-- product tested in tattoo parlors in Gosh, Massachusetts-- featured a trivia question on each cookie written in chocolate chips. The product failed, however, probably because each question was about Bounce Fabric Softener.
Peas have been shown to stave off dispelvic assymetricinosis by as much as 13 months.
Post menopausal PMS is 1000% deadly and 0% likely.
Junk bonds, garbage bonds, trash bonds, rubbage bonds, crap bonds, poop bonds, stinks bonds... but no "Jerry Springer Show" bonds.
For the demarcations in the IQ scale, the difference between an imbecile (42-47 IQ) and a imbecelish person (48-51 IQ) is how high one can count before realizing IQ tests are stupid.
Naturally colorblind, Kiwis nonetheless recieve the same Victoria Secret catalogs as other flightless featherless birds.
A klein bottle is a curious topagraphical oddity with a weird kind of strange shape thats not only different, but also unique. A pair of klein pantyhose was once manufactured, and launched a usenet newsgroup: alt.binaries.pictures.erotica.pantyhose.klein
The freon in an average refrigerator is often about the same as any other average refrigerator.
A peanut-butter based grout cleaner exists.

Ironically, hobo used to stand for
"hands on both oars."
The sheet music to "Smells Like Teen Spirit," Nirvana’s career-launching hit, is part of the rations a Navy SEAL receives when asked to assist local authorities whenever securing the perimeter around paramilitary clown compounds.
Jesse Owens owes his succes in 1935 on the track to a strict diet of eggs, spam, and koolaid, which his coach ate every day for 74 years, even after Owens’ death.
DLC, another popular hip-hop trio of females, one with only one eye, also coincidentally wrote “Don’t Go Chasing Lunar Rovers.” It’s an apt metaphor; a Lunar Rover was once clocked at 10.56 miles per hour.
In astrology, Saturn represents one’s “attitude about leaf blowers.”
A mustard made of fireflies on a hotdog stuffed with human butt is guranteed to cause regurgitation.
Mummy dust, like angel dust, is not entirely appropriatly named that.
The amount of yarn needed to knit a sweater for a cockroach means you could knit 520 of them from just one skein.
Drop a baseball, a baseball glove, a baseball bat, and Darryl Strawberry from the top of the Empire State Building, and which will hit first? The one you dropped first. That’s physics.
A Mona Lisa made entirely of mayonaise (in 3D!) was eaten by Glen Clothes in 1999.
Tectonic plates made of felsdpar don’t crack, or exist.
Milk-Up, bottled by Sony, is the only beverage available in five different sizes.
“Broken glass, shave your ass,” is an old saying in Flex.
Fungus knows no race, creed, or religion.
One watch exists to operate accurately despite Earth’s gradually slowing, invented by a child in Grid Cove, by dropping it, often.
The nutritional content of a fingernail more than makes up for its taste.
The first bowling balls were not made of coconuts-- but the the first bowling pins were.
Nothing can kill a sleeping elephant, unless it “wants” to die.
Rigor Mortis can set in so fast, under the right conditions, that if those conditions exist and a man dies while at the top of his jump while playing on a trampoline, he could go on bouncing for a good four or five seconds.
On the other hand, you can look a gift cat in the mouth.
If you could breathe through your eyes, you could proably burp through them.
Leather chess pieces float in milk.
The plural for drip is drips, but the plural for drips is dripsus.
You can fuel rockets with gazelle teeth.
While the the computing power of the first house-sized computer in 1949 can now be put into a quarter inch chip, you cannot, however, live in that chip like a religous compound zealot, on Mountain Dew and Doritoes. Science still has a way to go.
Since its inception, the population of the earth has seen a rise in its numbers.
A Sears in Mozambique sells crocodile stomach as an improvement on the tool chest.

A two-year old rhino weighs as much
as a Buick Skylark (with cruise control).
Combining the peculiar chemical properties of pure gold and the extraordinary strength of parastalsis can result in an ounce of gold 4 miles long.
If the amount of skin covering your body where pure heroin, it would have a street value of nearly two million dollars, and you’d be dead.
Shark’s tooth soup stays crispy in milk.
Literature majors and fans of Samuel Taylor Coleridge agree; if they ever make an Unlucky Charms, it should include purple albatrosses.
You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t mail one there. Try it.
Just in case, Samsonite makes suitcases for hair.
Monkeys are born with teeth too big for their mouths. They grow into their teeth, so to speak.
Every Plymouth sold in Virginia comes with a free sun decal.
There are three “caterpillar” muscles in the bengal tiger’s tongue complex, which make it able to groom it’s own whiskers.
The right kind of fog can cure hepatitis L.
No two aspirins weigh the same. This is true. Weigh two aspirins. They wont be the same. Hence the truth.
To taste lightning, distill some in a solution of talcum.
There is no wind on Pluto.
Melba toast on the moon weighs less.
There is enough radioactivity in a one five-head Titan IV ICBM to infect enough spiders to bite enough people to make 18 billion spidermen.
Bad dancer: two left feet. Clumsy: all thumbs. Smelly: nose on backwards (in Queensland).
Saliva, made of protein, gets out saliva.
Bengal Tiger Shark patties, four for a dollar, cheese extra.
The skin of a potato, unlike that of a cat, will not grow hair.
There is no word in Chinese for Cheese-o-rama.
House mites are bad. Hotel mites are worse. Pentagon Mites? Forget about it.
Jimmy Carter once ate his own weight in circus peanuts.
There is no haircut tax. Why not.
There is, in all the world’s oceans, more shipwrecks than intergalactic space stations.
Catsup, unlike ketchup, has no K in it.

"By the Devil's Beard!" was a serious
curse in Sri Lanka in November of '92.
Seventy-pound octopusen are legal tender. Don’t ask for change. Just don’t.
There are more seconds in a year than there oughter be.
There have been Arabs on the moon (we are all "Arabs" in space).
Proportionally speaking, the earth is smoother than a cue ball, but looks more like the 4 ball.
The head was not allowed to touch the ball in soccer until 1912.
Marina Sertis, Star Trek’s Deanna Troi, has a vocational degree from the Greek University Popolupulos in elevator repair.
Fear of Friday afflicts 6 in 7 six-day olds.
Tyrannosaurus regina, a smaller but more powerful dinosaur, terrorized the Paleozoic.
Satellites under the control of the Rhinoplasty Department of Good Faith Hospital in Maaco, Vermot are responisble for three to four cellular relays per hour.
Blue and Gray whales fought a sort of "seavil" war off the coast of England, and many cried out.
Having no pancreas, cockroaches cannot be ridden side-saddle.
Potroast Holes would have plagued highways if beef had been chosen over tar.
Inconvenience stores, manned by deaf marmosets, regularly overcharge on milk by the gallon.
At higher sea levels, cookies cook more quickly, but have a lest zesty taste.
Mosquitos have teeth, but rarely floss.
No one on rollerblades was harmed during the filming of Lethal Weapon III, not so much as a scratch.
Doctor’s in Russian hospitals do not use definite articles.
It is possible, if one loses a fight, to sew half a turkey onto another turkey and serve it as a whole turkey on Thankksgiving.
Junk mail has accounted for more papercuts worldwide (7) than the literature offered by the Consumer Advocats Bureau on the subject of Huggies.
On October 19th, 1988, Peter Staples was struck on four seperate occasions by flying hammers, no two occasions have anything to do with one another. He later died of old age.
Ants don’t wear pants.
Milkshakes made during earthquakes are that much more “shakey.”
When two flamingos fight, it’s called a “fight.”
Nightmare cures range from sleeping in your stomach to golf.
The oldest continiously running paper that has never had a name change, under the same order, using the same masthead, is all of 13 years old, and costs $3.00 per issue.