Some male spiders mate for life, due to dying immedietly after.
Cutting off a cockroaches head will not kill it, unless you use a chainsaw.
Before Viagra, there was chicken soup.
In Japan, you can tell a car’s age by the key it honks in, the higher, the older. Pintos make dogs go nuts.
Thanks to better birth control methods, there are fewer chickens than there used to be. That, and we kill a lot of them for food.
Beethoven’s favorite newspaper was often published in German.
The phrase “balancing the checkbook” comes from the fact that check books used to be eight feet long and the only drive through service was for bicycles.
Monkeys will smoke cigarettes if you let them, but apes prefer the patch.
If every single American went to college, even little babies, it would still cost less than sending a man to, say, Saturn.
It is both illegal and impossible to chop the state capitol building in Topeka, Kansas in half with your bare hand.
Some toothpastes contain antifreeze. Hence “antifreezer burn” when eating very warm chicken right after brushing.
Prior to her 1959 Olympic silver in the Giant Slalom, Marilyn Monroe had never even so much as eaten a snow cone.
No White House resident has ever owned an ocelot, not even Adams.
Ironically, fertilizer was invented by robots.
A real flamingo in Greater Sand, Michigan, once tried to mate with a plastic flamingo, for eighteen hours straight.
Some Mascara is made from sloth brains.
Lee Harvey Oswald’s cousin, Quentin Tarantino (coincidence) hated chewing gum.
A skunk cannot spray in the same room as a radio playing country music.
Hypnotists, like gerbils, are not allowed in American military weapons compounds unless employed by the US government.
Jesus China, a pro wrestler from Thailand, stitches his own tights and face masks
Two headed lawyers only have to pass the bar once.
A silhoutte of Marilyn Manson was found on the side of a Holstein in Burfurber, New Jersey, in 1974. (MM was 3). And yes, though the cow in question gave milk of a somewhat darker color, it was curiously tasty.
Captain Kangaroo won five Emmy awards. Mr Green Jeans nabbed a Tony.
In order to circumnavigate a civic ordanance that dissalowed betting on who would die next in hospitals in Las Vegas, interns and orderlies now gamble on which patient would become “.0038 ounces lighter due to a soul spontanously leaving the body.”
The Aztecs once had an emprorer who’s name sounds like “Lincoln.” The Mayans once had an emporer named “Kennedy.”

Bill Shakespeare was actually
born in Stratford-upon-Maybeline.
The Navajo do not have a word for “Internet Service Provider...” yet.
More doctors in LA die there then in any other city where doctors who are in LA die.
A balloon with the same volume of the moon would, if inflated, would make one hell of a balloon sculpture.
A failed coup in Salt Lake City had included in its list of acts an attempt to fill the Great Salt Lake with onions, carrots, potatoes, thick juicy cuts of beef, and maybe some noodles.
Contrary to popular belief, “Shadows of the Empire” for the Nintendo 64 was not named after the longest shadow in the world, cast by El Tition Peak in the Canary Islands.
The very rare Hierophant Orchid only blossoms when the full moon is visible during the daytime.
Ounce for ounce, sugar is sweeter than bee hair.
Spaniclophobes can only write with pens, since they fear diamonds and pencils, too, contain carbon.
All the damage caused by earthquakes in North Dakota could be paid for by selling two (common) beanie babies and a broken record player on e-Bay.
Less famous but just as dangerous is the annual event in Oklahoma City known as the “Running of the Ferrets.”
In order to earn the title “ranch,” among other things, a parcel of land must have a lost boot somewhere on it.
One out of every three churches in Las Vegas is religous.
The White House is actually mauve.
Shareable chewing gum was a flop until it’s maker, Alfred Radio, developed pieces big enough for two or more to share simultanesouly.
The Hoover got its name from the way Laotians spell the sound a vaccuum makes.
In his spare time, FDR sculpted in marble. Of course, he had no spare time. So really, he didn’t.
Bush is the only president named that, except for the other one.
Snails are the only animals that can both eat, and lay, eggs.
Wars are like fingerprints. No two are alike, and their detection can lead to incarceration.
Right now, one third of everyone in Los Angeles is on the telephone, a few in “conferance calls.”
Daniel Webster, one of our nation’s founders, once wrote the words to the national anthem in “B+” cursive, all eight verses, in less than ten seconds.
There are no biographies about Chester Arthur; however, MTV did do a rockumentary about our “Punk Prez.”
New Orleans, at four feet below sea level, is a lousy place to park boats.
Humans are born with the genetics to grow three eyes-- but not the metabolism.
Actually, it should be: "The rain, in Spain, mainly falls (as opposed to, say, oozing) on the plain."

Your tongue, when dry, has the
same texture as microscopic fennel.
4 out of 5 Wookies use Crest. Not on their teeth.
In a vote in 1919, the quarter was elected “grooviest” coin.
“Scottish Cow Catcher,” a kind of malt whiskey, is served at every anniversary of the annulment of the kingdom of Scotland.
Mail carriers in Canada will not deliver letters on Saturdays. They will, however, deliver cereal.
Bicyclists in Tokyo use Prozac when negotiating rush hour traffic jams.
Depending on the font, some Indian poetry appears in the shape of a vase.
Ubiquity is vague.
Scarlett O’Hara, scarlett fever, and escargot: all have been known to make cheeks rosie.
One way to show vehicular distress in Australia is to remove your bumber stickers and replace them upside down.
The second longest roller coaster in the world, the "Penultimate," begins about 3 inches after the "Ultimate," on the same track.
Tear a Canadian $20 bill in half. Tape it back together again. It still won’t pay for a decent steak in Winnipeg.
Eeyore was going to be called Bugs Bunny, until it was pointed out he was a donkey, not a rabbit.
Animal crackers-- yes. Bacilli crackers-- no.
Of the three kinds of pathogenic bacteria shapes, the roundest aren’t really all that round
Mono Sodium Glutemate, aka MSG, is a flavor enhancer, and so, oddly, is Morris Garage, aka MG, when eating KFC at 55 MPH.
The 42 DOTs (Departments of Transportation--- Arizona, Utah, Nevada, and New Mexico share one, as do Massachusetts, Connecticut, Alaska, Rhode Island, Vermont, New Hampshire and Iowa) every year hold a contest for the “Paradise DOT” which is judged by the 43 DOGs (Departments of Grain).
Curiosity killed the cat, satisfaction brought it back, and kerosene set it on fire.
Prince Chuck and Prince Bill and Prince Harry never eat from the same bloody stag carcass, for fear of poisoning.
48 teaspoons in a cup. 49 in a baker’s cup. This is where we get the expression: “The table is wet because the glass overflowed when we filled it with a baker’s cup.”
Originally it was to be pied pipers instead of kings on playing cards, until someone pointed how gay “suicide pied pipers” sound. That someone? Frank Stallone.
It is not illegal to photocopy paper money using a color photocopier. It is illegal, thought, to then deface those photocopies.
Technically, one of the jacks in a deck of cards is gay, thus, there are really 5 queens.
It is impossible to make a parcel of land contain exactly (to three decimal places) one square mile in area in the shape of triangle.
Slime molds can be taught to form the shape of letters by rewarding them with food (corpses), though they rarely spell “hor’s-douvres” correctly.
No two hot dogs are alike.

Pirates wore stripes to
improve the use of the pancreas.
The oldest living roller coaster, the "Leap-The Dips" in Lakemont Park, Pennsylvania, is also technically the youngest, if you count that new two-by-four they used to fix the door to the men’s restroom with last Thursday.
There are microbes that eat oil. They are considered the “bad bones” in the “skeleton” of the “microbe mortuary.”
Of the more than 40,000 characters in the Chinese script, almost none require 3-D glasses to view.
Pound for pound, Legos are stronger than Eggos.
Persian carpets, less popular but just as expensive as the rugs, still do not sell as well as Persian tea cozies.
Los Vegos, a nearby city to the famous gambling mecca, hosts the Alzheimer’s Olympics, which is basically a game where particpants try to guess what time it is.
The country is called “Chad” for the inventor of the Paper Clip, Harold Fultemeyer.
Glow-in-the-dark toothpaste is cheap enough to be given for free to the institute for the Blind in Tallahasee, FLA.
Migrant Workers Bees, when crushed, smell exactly the same as a wet copy of the 1973 printing of Maya Angelou’s Poemics.
Mahershalalbaz, a biblical name from which we get Marshall, exists in virtually no computer spelling dictionaries.
Lilinoe, Goddess Haleakala (on Maui) and Mauna Kea, and Waiau, Goddess of a cinder cone lake, and Kahoupokane, Goddess of Mount Hualalai, and Poliahu, Goddess of cavorting with mortals, were easily defeated by their nemesis, Pele, owing to being weighed down by so many “syllables.”
They call it the lime light because limonlight, though more accurate, is nevertheless copyrighted by 7-Up.
Alphabetical “odor” on the othe rhand, is ironically due to a missing letter!
“Taking a belt” refers to the need for a stiff drink before applying one’s face to a belt-sander-- common practice in the late 18th century.
Sounds moves faster through solids than through air, but you can’t hear it, so who the @#$%^ cares.
The Lord’s order of Ham and Cheese (Joshua 3:19) is incorrectly used to justify ant-semitism, when in point of fact the order calls for kosher pickles.
Two standard business cards, places side-by-side on a card table, will occupy exactly the area needed for 50 dollars in quarters to be piled without spilling all over the place.
The starch in paper, which keeps the ink from rubbing off on your fingers, has no nutritional value, unless mixed with the lomen in carbaord, which keeps the the paint from flaking.
Platform shoes, as opposed to “elevators,” can never measure more than twenty inches in height, lest they become “scaffolding” shoes.
Erin Bragham, of Oldspeak, Ireland, is the oldest living Luddite.
"Hermit," "Liver n’ Onions," "Tires for Sale," "No Ones Likes Melba": all names rejected by Charles Schulz before he chose “Peanuts.”
Thanks to Montessori schooling, David Matthews never knew about or heard the "Star Spangled Banner" until he was well into his music career-- on his first hearing, he thought it was a Toad the Wet Sprocket song.
The Washington Post changes fonts every March.
Before it was the Hoosier state, Indiana was the Lancelot state. No one knows why.
James Pierpont, who wrote "Jingle Bells: in 1857, died broke, having spent all of the proceeds from Jingle Bells on "Rudolph The Red Nosed etc." records.