Thursday June 29th, 2006

Godless: The Church of Liberalism
I'm in the middle of Ann's latest rant: Ann Coulter Is A Clown. You may wonder why someone who leans left would read such nonsense. I know it's an analogy that's been used before, but it really is like coming upon a train wreck—simply awful, but you can't turn away. The good news is that Coulter's ranting is not only baseless, it's meaningless as well. So it's like a train wreck run by remote control with no people or animals on board, just boxcars full of knickknacks, doodads and whoziwhatsits.

Immanuel Kant, big time enlightenment philosopher, rationalist, empiricist, transcendentalist, recognized that there is pleasure in defecation, and more than one redneck comedian has pointed this out as well. This is what reading Ann Coulter's book is like—not that it is in an of itself satisfying, but in the same way that I am also embarrassed to tell you how much I enjoyed my last megadump. Of course, dropping the kids off at the pool is an absolute necessity, whereas reading Coulter is like force-feeding myself ruffage and fiber just to get some time alone on the throne. And certainly spending too many hours staring at the intimate tiles between my feet may do lasting damage to my colon, as, I'm sure, reading too much Coulter could surely do too much damage to my gall bladder. And perhaps bulimics take an alterior pleasure in their consumption of diarrhetics, just as I take a selfish pleasure in consuming Coulter's hatred just so I can slough it off, claiming "Thank God I don't believe any of THAT!"

Because she really does hate everyone who isn't Rush Limbaugh, or Ronald Reagan. She hates Muslims, women, teachers, war veterans who use their experience to protest war, families of 9/11 victims, and anyone else she can describe disparagingly based on their physical appearance alone. It's this reference to the latter, especially, that makes her especially clownish. When she's on the attack, she likes to point out that her target is overweight, unattractive, uneducated, hairy, foreign… maybe she does this because she has a reputation of being a leggy blonde? Personally, I think she looks like a horse, but that's just my opinion, and my apology to horses for saying so.

Coulter calls herself a polemicist, just because calling herself an apologist for hypocritical right-wing narcissisism doesn’t have the same ring. On the internet, we call such people "trolls." We call them "Republican fanbois." Look up the terms. There is little or no difference between the way Coulter writes and forum messages declaring "Nintedos is the suck!!!!11!! PS2 4ever!!!"

People say to me, "what, you spent money on this book, how can you support such nonsense?" I'll tell you why, because that's just what it is: nonsense. No one, and I mean NO ONE, is going to convert from liberal views because of what Coulter says. In fact, I am fairly sure rightist-types will find themselves edging away from her hatred, and moving leftwards in the process. So I want her to wrote more books. I want Britney Spears to make more records. I want Angelina Jolie to adopt more babies. They don't hurt anyone, they don't even hurt themselves when they do these things. But they give me something to talk about with other guys waiting in line to use the crapper.