Local Man Just Can't Find Opportunity to Use Phrase: "Does a One-Legged Duck Swim in Circles?"

"I was watching the WWF, because I used to wrestle in middle school, so I know what it's like," said Henry. "And that's when I heard Captain Patriot say "does a one legged duck swim in circles?'

Since that day, Henry, who pumps gas for 6 dollars an hour, and collects shot glasses as a hobby, has tried to find a way to use the phrase himself. "Its way better than 'Is the Pope Catholic?', and 'Does a bear shit in the woods?'" claims Henry.

All attempts at using the new phrase, however, have failed.

"Last week, my boss asked if I had cleaned out the men's restroom, since it sometimes backs up after a heavy rain. But I didn't want him to think I was too enthusiastic about it."

Other opportunities have been equally frustrating.

"The other night a telemarketer phoned, and asked me if I wanted a subscription to US News and World Report." Henry recalls. "I almost used it right there, except I didn't want the magazine."

The new phrase marks yet another attempt by Henry to make his speech more careful, with equally bad results. It follows on the heals of the "Busier than a One-Legged Man at a Butt-Kicking Contest" fiasco during Henry's unemployment, and the "More Nervous than a Long-Tailed Cat in a Room Full of Rocking Chairs" episode when Henry was isolated by a snowstorm.