Local Man Just Can't Find Opportunity to Use Phrase: "Does a One-Legged Duck Swim in Circles?"

But if there's anything John wants most in the world, its to be able to use the phrase "Does a one-legged duck swim in circles?" in a normal conversation. "The first time I heard it was at [aunt and uncle] Jenny and Craig's. I used to wrestle in middle school, so I like to keep tabs on wrestling with the WWF. And that's when I heard Captain Patriot use the line, when the Ayatollah Serb asked him, 'You think you can beat me?' Man, it totally blew me away."

All attempts thus far, however, have failed. "Last week, my boss asked if I had cleaned out the men's restroom, since it sometimes backs up after a heavy rain. But I didn't want him to think I was too enthusiastic about it. And then the other night a telemarketer phoned, and asked me if I wanted a subscription to US News and World Report." John recalls. "I almost used it right there, except I didn't want the magazine."

John won't stop dreaming, for the time being, as frustrating as trying to use the phrase is. He know's there'll be other opportunities. "People say 'Is the Pope Catholic,' and 'Does a Bear Shit in the Woods,' all the time. I just know my chance is going to come around." So for now, John will continue to explain why premium is better than regular unleaded, continue to find better ways to arrange his shot glasses, and continue to follow the career of Captain Patriot and Cowboy Danger.

John tried not to think about past failures. The "Busier than a One-Legged Man at a Butt-Kicking Contest" fiasco during his stint of unemployment, and the "More Nervous than a Long-Tailed Cat in a Room Full of Rocking Chairs" episode when he was isolated by snowstorm. Because as frustrating as dreams can be, for average men like John Henry, it’s the simple pleasures that nevertheless give one the most hope.