{"id":1124,"date":"2015-05-08T13:00:06","date_gmt":"2015-05-08T20:00:06","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.bukkhead.com\/blog\/?p=1124"},"modified":"2015-05-08T09:50:17","modified_gmt":"2015-05-08T16:50:17","slug":"i-a-go-with-the-flow-kinda-guy-dont-have-enough-passion-to-be-jealous","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.bukkhead.com\/blog\/2015\/05\/08\/i-a-go-with-the-flow-kinda-guy-dont-have-enough-passion-to-be-jealous\/","title":{"rendered":"I, A Go-With-The-Flow Kinda Guy, Don\u2019t Have Enough Passion to be Jealous"},"content":{"rendered":"

Postaday for May 8th: Green-Eyed Lady<\/a>.\u00a0<\/strong>We all get jealous from time to time \u2014 what wakes the green-eyed monster for you?<\/em><\/p>\n

I can\u2019t think of how I suffer from jealousy. But everybody suffers from jealousy, so I\u2019m going to characterize that as a character flaw in myself. I wish I suffered from jealousy! I want<\/em> to suffer from jealousy. I am so envious of you people who suffer from jealousy.<\/p>\n

And trust me, I know what jealousy can do. Oh, to have that drive. But I don\u2019t, so there must be something wrong with me. For example, this happened recently. I have this good friend, let\u2019s call him Oliver. Oliver is the captain of our pub trivia team, Venetian Blondes. Oliver decided to make this guy Charles the co-captain of our team, even though I\u2018m, like, the best when it comes to 1997 Mariners trivia. But am I jealous? Nope.<\/p>\n

Anyway, this girl, let\u2019s call her Desiree, starts hanging out with Oliver. Whatever. I don\u2019t even know about it until Rodney the bartender tells me, and he only tells me because he wants Desiree for himself. So I\u2019m all like, fine, let\u2019s kill two birds. I tell Oliver that Charles is putting the moves on Desiree. I figure, he\u2019ll kick Charles off the team, and I\u2019ll be co-captain, and then we can totally kick ass in the pub trivia finals. We\u2019re going up against the Master Turkey Basters, those jerks!<\/p>\n

Oliver goes ballistic. He\u2019s all like, \u201cwe need to take Charles out.\u201d And I\u2019m all like, \u201cyou know it!\u201d I get the paperwork to have Charles removed from the team. I give it to Rodney. Rodney calls Charles. They get into a fight. Charles totally kicks Rodney\u2019s ass. I can\u2019t have that, so while they\u2019re brawling, I bust a glass on Chuck\u2019s head. He goes down. I call an ambulance, ride with both guys to the hospital. While we\u2019re on our way, I accidentally pinch the line on Rodney\u2019s oxygen mask. Accidentally, I swear.<\/p>\n

We get to the hospital, and guess who\u2019s there. Only Oliver and Desiree! I guess kicking Charles off the team wasn\u2019t enough. He had to take it out on Desiree too, sheesh! She\u2019s in a coma, Rodney\u2019s in a coma. Chuck is in a coma, and then this girl Emily shows up, and she\u2019s all like, he lied! Desiree never slept with Charles! And Oliver goes nuts, attacks me, and when the cops come running, he throws himself out a window. Now Oliver\u2019s in coma. Great.<\/p>\n

Everyone is in a coma except for me. It\u2019s not fair. All I wanted was to help my team win, and these idiots get crazy jealous and put themselves in comas and now I\u2019m all alone. Not cool. And now I\u2019m thinking, if only I\u2019d been jealous, too, maybe I would have done something crazy and get to be in coma like all my friends. I just want to be a normal everyday jealous person.<\/p>\n

But I can\u2019t! And it\u2019s breaking my heart. How do you people do it? How are you able to be so human? Why can\u2019t I be deep and emotional like you people?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Postaday for May 8th: Green-Eyed Lady.\u00a0We all get jealous from time to time \u2014 what wakes the green-eyed monster for you? I can\u2019t think of how I suffer from jealousy. But everybody suffers from jealousy, so I\u2019m going to characterize that as a character flaw in myself. I wish I suffered from jealousy! I want … <\/p>\n

Continue reading “I, A Go-With-The-Flow Kinda Guy, Don\u2019t Have Enough Passion to be Jealous”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[61],"tags":[111,46],"class_list":["post-1124","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-postaday","tag-jealousy","tag-parody"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p24y52-i8","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bukkhead.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1124","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bukkhead.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bukkhead.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bukkhead.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bukkhead.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1124"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.bukkhead.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1124\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1125,"href":"https:\/\/www.bukkhead.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1124\/revisions\/1125"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bukkhead.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1124"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bukkhead.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1124"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bukkhead.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1124"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}