{"id":1144,"date":"2015-01-23T11:14:25","date_gmt":"2015-01-23T19:14:25","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.bukkhead.com\/blog\/?p=1144"},"modified":"2015-05-08T11:15:54","modified_gmt":"2015-05-08T18:15:54","slug":"you-dont-need-kentucky-to-have-a-derby","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.bukkhead.com\/blog\/2015\/01\/23\/you-dont-need-kentucky-to-have-a-derby\/","title":{"rendered":"You Don\u2019t Need Kentucky to Have a Derby"},"content":{"rendered":"

Postaday for January 23rd: Easy Fix<\/a>.\u00a0<\/strong>Write a post about any topic you wish, but make sure it ends with \u201cAnd all was right in the world.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

Jason Edwards bursts out of his front door! He doesn\u2019t even bother closing it behind him! He skips across the porch, down the three steps and into the sunshine, across his lawn and leaps! across the flower bed into the driveway. Runs up the drive way. Arms pumping. Untucked unbuttoned Hawaiin shirt flapping. Look at him go!<\/p>\n

He\u2019s to the street! Cuts right, looks for cars. Listen for cars, only hears the pounding of his heart and the wind in his ears. Crosses the street so that he\u2019s running against traffic! If there was any traffic! But there is no traffic! His house is halfway down the block and he\u2019s covered that half!<\/p>\n

The cross street is busy! The cross road is at a funny angle, it confuses cars! An opportune pause as two cars turning left try to figure out who should go first! Jason Edwards darts between them! He\u2019s next to the abandoned coffee stand now. And now he\u2019s next to the gas station. And now he\u2019s in the 7-11 parking lot. His feet are slapping the asphalt. He\u2019s pounding right towards the front door.<\/p>\n

The guy who works there sees him coming. He\u2019s already ready. He knows what to do. Jason is on fast approach. He pulls up so as to not break through the door\u2019s windows. He hauls the door open. He cuts a sharp right, up the aisle past gun magazines and phone cards and gift cards and miscellaneous car interior supplies. You know, cigarette lighter adapters for phone charges and stuff. He\u2019s at the back wall, where they keep the drinks! The first one\u2019s full of milk products!<\/p>\n

And now he shuffles left. He doesn\u2019t bother to turn, just shuffles left. Hands tap the cooler handles, one two three, He\u2019s opening the fourth one! He\u2019s grabbing a 20 oz plastic bottle of Mountain Dew! It\u2019s cold in his hand! He closes the door, the bottle instantly humidifies, his hand is wet! He doesn\u2019t even notice!<\/p>\n

Jason Edwards is moving with precision. He\u2019s turning to jet up the back aisle. He makes a left at the coffee machines. He all but leaps forward, all but lands right in front of the frozen burrito selection. There\u2019s so many to choose from. His eyes dart over bean and cheese, cheese and chili, green chile, green bean and cheese. Wait, no, he read that last one wrong! It\u2019s beef and bean! The wrapper is red! He grabs the beef and been frozen burrito in the red wrapper!<\/p>\n

But it\u2019s not really frozen! It\u2019s only refrigerated! This bodes well for Jason Edwards. His hand is in his back pocket. How is that possible if he\u2019s carrying a cold refreshing Mountain Dew and frozen\u00a0 I mean refrigerated but pre-cooked beef and bean burrito! He\u2019s holding them both in one hand! Folks, they\u2019re keeping each other cold! He\u2019s fishing out his wallet.<\/p>\n

He\u2019s already been run up at the register. He swipes his credit card as he runs by! He hits the door, hears the register beep the beep of credit card transaction approval! He\u2019s out the door! The guy behind the counter adds his receipt to the stack of receipts he keeps for him in case he ever comes back in a more leisurely fashion!<\/p>\n

He\u2019s outside! He\u2019s running across that same parking lot! Past that same gas station and abandoned coffee stand! And now he\u2019s crossing the intersection! Oh my word, there\u2019s no traffic! He\u2019s got half a block to go. The sun is shining off the bald spot on his head. He\u2019s got the Mountain Dew in one hand and the burrito in the other! The burrito is getting warmer! I can\u2019t beleive it! It\u2019s warming up in his hand as he runs!<\/p>\n

He\u2019s at the driveway! He turns left and runs down the driveway! He leaps the flowers, goes across the lawn, up the porch steps! His front door still open, has been open this whole time! Can you believe it! He slams the door behind him, darts up the stairs, three steps, eight steps, twelve steps, fifteen! Down the hall to his home office. Bounces off the door frame! Lands in his office chair! And the crowd! Goes! Wild!<\/p>\n

Jason Edwards is sitting in his office chair. He chest rises and falls rapidly as he gets his breath. He carefully, almost gingerly, sets his warmed-up burrito and cold Mountain Dew on his desk. Carefully, almost gingerly, opens the Mountain Dew. Cautious against the foam. But there\u2019s no foam. Just that effervescent aaaaaah.<\/p>\n

He takes a long, slow pull on the bottle. Tears open the burrito, slides a bit out, takes a massive bite. His mouth is full of beef and bean burrito. He wiggles his work computer\u2019s mouse. His work computer wakes up. After a few seconds, a reminder pops up, telling him he has a conference call. In 5 minutes.<\/p>\n

Jason Edwards sits back, relaxes. Takes another swallow of Mountain Dew. Takes another bit of burrito. Wishes he\u2019d written this in past tense. But, that was okay. He\u2019d done what he\u2019d set out to do. Which is all any man can ever hop to do. And all was right in the world.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Postaday for January 23rd: Easy Fix.\u00a0Write a post about any topic you wish, but make sure it ends with \u201cAnd all was right in the world.\u201d Jason Edwards bursts out of his front door! He doesn\u2019t even bother closing it behind him! He skips across the porch, down the three steps and into the sunshine, … <\/p>\n

Continue reading “You Don\u2019t Need Kentucky to Have a Derby”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[61],"tags":[69,125,13,124],"class_list":["post-1144","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-postaday","tag-7-11","tag-burritos","tag-fiction-2","tag-mountain-dew"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p24y52-is","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bukkhead.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1144","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bukkhead.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bukkhead.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bukkhead.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bukkhead.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1144"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.bukkhead.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1144\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1145,"href":"https:\/\/www.bukkhead.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1144\/revisions\/1145"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bukkhead.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1144"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bukkhead.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1144"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bukkhead.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1144"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}