{"id":1309,"date":"2015-05-19T13:00:21","date_gmt":"2015-05-19T20:00:21","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.bukkhead.com\/blog\/?p=1309"},"modified":"2015-05-21T13:05:45","modified_gmt":"2015-05-21T20:05:45","slug":"139-lies-down-226-to-go","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.bukkhead.com\/blog\/2015\/05\/19\/139-lies-down-226-to-go\/","title":{"rendered":"139 Lies Down, 226 to Go"},"content":{"rendered":"

Postaday for May 19th: State of Your Year<\/a>.\u00a0<\/strong>How is this year shaping up so far? Write a post about your biggest challenges and achievements thus far.<\/em><\/p>\n

Well, let\u2019s see. Some things I can\u2019t disclose because there\u2019s a very off chance that the wrong person will read this and we can\u2019t have that. Suffice it to say that soon, if you need a home loan, call me.<\/p>\n

That\u2019s a lie, by the way, purposefully vague and enigmatic. Or was it? Trust me, it was.<\/p>\n

And yes, I appreciate the irony of saying \u201ctrust me\u201d just a two sentences after confessing to having lied.<\/p>\n

Also, I appreciate the smug nature of saying I \u201cappreciate\u201d something that I, in fact, wrote.<\/p>\n

Otherwise, this year has been, more or less, 139 days long. Went to San Diego, so that was good. Twice. Went to Las Vegas, but just the once. Went to Woodinville, drank a lot of wine. Ran a half marathon, and when I say \u201cran\u201d I mean eight miles of it. I\u2019ve got a new nephew. I\u2019m going to a bachelor party. I\u2019ll be having egg slad for lunch today<\/p>\n

Challenges? Need to lose weight. Need to run more. I\u2019ve challenged myself to write more. And to not let boring topics like this one stop me\u2014 and I don\u2019t mean the prompt is boring, I mean the reality of my life is boring. But that shouldn\u2019t keep me from writing.<\/p>\n

For example, this year, so far, I\u2019ve earned well over three million in illicit profits. Now, this, too, is a total lie, and may or may not have anything to do with the lies I told above. The point is, since there\u2019s no point to really doing any of this, I\u2019m kind of allowed to do anything. Like confess, finally, to all those cars I stole. Another lie. Or is it? It is.<\/p>\n

I swear it is. And if you happen to drive a blue BMW 3 series with oyster-leather interior, and it\u2019s missing, and you live in the greater King County area, don\u2019t come to my house and look in my garage because it\u2019s not there. I did not steal it, nor was stealing it a kind of gift to myself after having stolen 100 other vehicles, a milestone if you will, and it is certainly NOT the case that said grand theft auto was in part payment on a debt I owed to drug lords.<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t do drugs, or sell drugs, or buy drugs. I don\u2019t steal cars. I don\u2019t hardly ever even drive my own! So when I tell you that this year has been pretty good, averaging about .8 stolen cars per day passed, I am lying, because my life is otherwise not worth writing about very much.<\/p>\n

Certainly not from the back seat of this Lexus is250, on \u201cmy\u201d iPad, hiding inside a warehouse, waiting for the police helicopter to go away.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Postaday for May 19th: State of Your Year.\u00a0How is this year shaping up so far? Write a post about your biggest challenges and achievements thus far. Well, let\u2019s see. Some things I can\u2019t disclose because there\u2019s a very off chance that the wrong person will read this and we can\u2019t have that. Suffice it to … <\/p>\n

Continue reading “139 Lies Down, 226 to Go”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[7,61],"tags":[198],"class_list":["post-1309","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-life","category-postaday","tag-auto-theft"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p24y52-l7","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bukkhead.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1309","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bukkhead.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bukkhead.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bukkhead.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bukkhead.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1309"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.bukkhead.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1309\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1310,"href":"https:\/\/www.bukkhead.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1309\/revisions\/1310"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bukkhead.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1309"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bukkhead.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1309"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bukkhead.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1309"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}