{"id":1361,"date":"2015-05-28T13:00:23","date_gmt":"2015-05-28T20:00:23","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.bukkhead.com\/blog\/?p=1361"},"modified":"2015-05-28T10:31:48","modified_gmt":"2015-05-28T17:31:48","slug":"i-have-three-arms-okay-not-really","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.bukkhead.com\/blog\/2015\/05\/28\/i-have-three-arms-okay-not-really\/","title":{"rendered":"I Have Three Arms! Okay Not Really"},"content":{"rendered":"

Postaday for May 28th: A Mystery Wrapped in an Enigma<\/a><\/strong>.\u00a0Tell us something most people probably don\u2019t know about you.<\/em><\/p>\n

I have three arms. Okay, not really. But I do<\/em>\u00a0have ESP.<\/p>\n

Fine, fine, I don\u2019t have ESP. But if I did<\/em>\u00a0have ESP I would try to read your mind right now, and find out if you\u2019re thinking \u201cDoes he really not have three arms? Is he lying about lying about it? Maybe he does, maybe he has three arms, which would be quite a feat! Afterall, bilateral symmetry is one of the vary basics of animal existence. To have three arms, he would have had to have overcome some five-billions years of evolution. You don\u2019t joke about something like that. Three manly arms on one body would be almost too much. All those biceps! Would the third one have it\u2019s own deltoid? What if it\u2019s growing out of his head! No, it wouldn\u2019t be growing out if his head. The prompt said, \u201csomething most people probably don’t<\/em>\u00a0know. If this guy\u2019s got a third arm, growing out of his head, it would haven been on Buzzfeed by now. So, yeah, he doesn\u2019t have three arms.\u201d<\/p>\n

But I don\u2019t have ESP so I have no idea if you\u2019re thinking all that. Maybe you<\/em>\u00a0have ESP? Well then, what am I going to tell you about myself that you don\u2019t already know? What if\u00a0everybody<\/em>\u00a0except me<\/em>\u00a0has ESP? That would be funny. \u201cHere\u2019s something about me that most people probably don\u2019t know: I don’t<\/em>\u00a0have ESP.\u201d Ha.<\/p>\n

I mean, most people don\u2019t know anything<\/em>\u00a0about it me, including that I exist. I have probably interacted in my life with, I don\u2019t know, a few million people, if you count friends, lovers, and baristas (note: sadly, no one has ever been all three). But a few million isn\u2019t even one percent of all people. So here\u2019s something most<\/em>\u00a0people definitiely<\/em>\u00a0don\u2019t know about me: I am<\/em>.<\/p>\n

I like Spam. I memorized pi to 33 places, once. I nearly died last weekend white-water rafting. I\u2019ve written and published two books. I enjoy listening to The New Mastersounds. I keep my Facebook profile 100% public accessible. Our house was robbed when I was a kid, and they stole a freezer full of frozen meat. One of my favorite songs to run to is Yatta by Green Leaves, as well as Morning Musume\u2019s Joshi Kashimashi Monogatari. I have a degree in English but never read Moby Dick<\/em>. I\u2019ve never had a conversation with a nun. I can solve a Rubik\u2019s Cube but it takes a while. I could stand to lose about 20 pounds or so. 30 would be ideal. That is never going to happen.<\/p>\n

Ach, ptooey, boring stuff. I\u2019d rather go back to the three-arms-and-ESP thing. I wonder if there\u2019s anyone<\/em>\u00a0with ESP, and does she know if there are any people with three arms hiding themselves away from our terrible two-arm-biased society. That poor gal, bearing the horrible weight of that truth. And that poor guy! Hiding his third arm! I wouldn\u2019t, if I was him. Not even in anticipation of writing to a prompt like today\u2019s. Call me lazy.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Postaday for May 28th: A Mystery Wrapped in an Enigma.\u00a0Tell us something most people probably don\u2019t know about you. I have three arms. Okay, not really. But I do\u00a0have ESP. Fine, fine, I don\u2019t have ESP. But if I did\u00a0have ESP I would try to read your mind right now, and find out if you\u2019re … <\/p>\n

Continue reading “I Have Three Arms! Okay Not Really”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[61],"tags":[218,217],"class_list":["post-1361","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-postaday","tag-esp","tag-third-arm"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p24y52-lX","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bukkhead.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1361","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bukkhead.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bukkhead.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bukkhead.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bukkhead.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1361"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.bukkhead.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1361\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1362,"href":"https:\/\/www.bukkhead.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1361\/revisions\/1362"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bukkhead.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1361"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bukkhead.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1361"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bukkhead.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1361"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}