{"id":1379,"date":"2015-05-31T13:00:20","date_gmt":"2015-05-31T20:00:20","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.bukkhead.com\/blog\/?p=1379"},"modified":"2015-06-01T14:33:42","modified_gmt":"2015-06-01T21:33:42","slug":"only-271-degrees-left-to-ignition","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.bukkhead.com\/blog\/2015\/05\/31\/only-271-degrees-left-to-ignition\/","title":{"rendered":"Only 271 Degrees Left to Ignition"},"content":{"rendered":"

Postaday for May 31st: 180 Degrees<\/a>.<\/strong>\u00a0Tell us about a time you did a 180 \u2014 changed your views on something, reversed a decision, or acted in a way you ordinarily don\u2019t.<\/em><\/p>\n

Dale here. Nice try though. Getting Jason (that\u2019s Bukkhead, ya twerps) to write up a whole post about online privacy yesterday, and then next day ask him about changing his views. He\u2019s screwed either way, right? Either he used<\/em>\u00a0to be a neo-nazi and now he volunteers at the puppy orphanage, or<\/em>, when he was a kid he gave money to the church but now he\u2019s a god-less atheist hell-bent on the destruction of the American family.<\/p>\n

Yeah, I don\u2019t think so. That\u2019s why I got this one. Look, Jason\u2019s a nice kid, shoots his mouth off too much sometimes (who blogs three times a day? Jeebus) but his heart\u2019s in the right place. Me, on the other hand, I got no heart. So I\u2019ll take over here. Besides, as I\u2019m a total figment of his imagination, this will be a good character-building exercise.<\/p>\n

So let\u2019s see, let\u2019s see, total 180\u2026 I\u2019ve mentioned before about how when my wife goes to visit her sister, I might attend a gentleman\u2019s club or two. Strictly legit, strictly legal, sit on my hands, emphasis on the gentleman<\/em>. Okay fine, so Loretta never hears about it. That\u2019s not lying so much as, what would Jason say, \u201ccontextualizing the facts to create truth.\u201d He\u2019s a brainy little fart, ain\u2019t he?<\/p>\n

And just so\u2019s we\u2019re clear, a reminder: it\u2019s not like Loretta goes to her sisters all that often, so it\u2019s not like The Dancing Bare\u2019s got a chair with my\u00a0name on it. And I don\u2019t even go everytime. Sometimes I do the cheetos and baseball on TV thing. Ya know, now that I think about, come Sunday morning, I\u2019m either covered in orange dust, or glitter. Either way, that long hot shower is like a new baptism isn\u2019t it?<\/p>\n

But Digress ain’t just what you get when a Donkey and Tiger make love. Where was I. Oh yeah. Back, I don\u2019t five years ago, six maybe, Loretta\u2019s sister\u2019s lumbago\u2019s acting up. What the heck even is lumbago. Maybe I made that word up. Anyway, she\u2019s out of town, and the boys of summer are still wintering in Arizona, so what am I gonna do? Watch hockey? I step over the The Bare. Kendo, guy behind the bar, make a martini that\u2019d give James Bond a reason to finally quit espionage. I head over.<\/p>\n

Carla\u2019s on the stage, doing that thing she does with the feather\u2019s and the straps on her heels. Up on the pole and dropping down, some kinda Icarus thing, I don\u2019t know, I wasn\u2019t all that sober for most of college (until I met Loretta; another story). I get my martian and grabbed a chair a little ways back from the stage. Carla will come by for her tip, she knows I\u2019m good for it.<\/p>\n

Three, four girls later, about that many martians, the music changes to something from one of those country\u2019s where it\u2019s dark half the year so all the do is play guitar and commit suicide. Growly and mean and, well, let\u2019s face it, dirty. Here we go. Some tattooed gal in a white bikini and Betty Page bangs. Not my cup of tea.<\/p>\n

Except, you know. After a few minutes, I\u2019m thinking, tea\u2019s not so bad. The British drink tea. They conquered half the globe, didn\u2019t they? Maybe I should give tea a chance. The way that Betty moved up there. It was sexual, there\u2019s no lying. But it was something else, too. Powerful. Like she owned it. Like it belonged to her. Like dancing for sad old middle-aged dudes like me was something noble. I was turned on, of course, but I was also, like, inspired. I sat up straight in my chair. I found my self not checking out her gams so much as her eyes. That sleepy gaze that seemed to say angels come in gossamer and they also wield swords. I got both. Gimme twenty bucks.<\/p>\n

And I did too. And ever since then, I see some snot-nose on the sidewalk with his tattoos and his piercings, I think, well, maybe he ain\u2019t such a ne\u2019er-do-well afterall. Maybe folks scarring their skin\u00a0with ink is their own business, and sometimes business is about owning yourself.<\/p>\n

So, does that count? Is that a proper 180 on the subject of kids these days and their so-called body art? Don\u2019t worry, don\u2019t worry, I still think their music is crap and the few who do vote are putting pigeons before people, so I ain\u2019t changed all that much. Most of \u2018em got no respect, and the feeling\u2019s mutual, I can assure you.<\/p>\n

Maybe she was an angel, that Betty, afterall\u2014 I never saw her there again. I ain\u2019t saying I\u2019m much of a God guy, but, you know, they do say he works in mysterious ways. And why not send a messenger to the Dancing Bare to get old Dale to ease up in the judgmental attitude. I gave up on the big picture a long time ago, so all\u2019s left is small stuff.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Postaday for May 31st: 180 Degrees.\u00a0Tell us about a time you did a 180 \u2014 changed your views on something, reversed a decision, or acted in a way you ordinarily don\u2019t. Dale here. Nice try though. Getting Jason (that\u2019s Bukkhead, ya twerps) to write up a whole post about online privacy yesterday, and then next … <\/p>\n

Continue reading “Only 271 Degrees Left to Ignition”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[61],"tags":[214,227,228],"class_list":["post-1379","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-postaday","tag-dale","tag-strippers","tag-tattoos"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p24y52-mf","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bukkhead.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1379","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bukkhead.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bukkhead.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bukkhead.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bukkhead.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1379"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.bukkhead.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1379\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1380,"href":"https:\/\/www.bukkhead.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1379\/revisions\/1380"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bukkhead.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1379"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bukkhead.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1379"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bukkhead.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1379"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}