{"id":1400,"date":"2015-06-07T13:00:29","date_gmt":"2015-06-07T20:00:29","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.bukkhead.com\/blog\/?p=1400"},"modified":"2015-06-07T19:39:03","modified_gmt":"2015-06-08T02:39:03","slug":"the-nose-knows","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.bukkhead.com\/blog\/2015\/06\/07\/the-nose-knows\/","title":{"rendered":"The Nose Knows (Dale)"},"content":{"rendered":"

Postaday for June 7th:\u00a0Super Sensitive<\/a>.\u00a0<\/strong>If you were forced to give up one sense, but gain super-sensitivity in another, which senses would you choose?<\/em><\/p>\n

How do ya mean, forced? What are you gonna do, hold a gun to me head and holler \u201cAwright, lose the sense of smell, jerk-face, or you\u2019ll be sleepin\u2019 wit da fishes. Don\u2019t worry, you\u2019ll get better eyesight outta da deal.\u201d Or perhaps I\u2019m to go under the knife. \u201cObserve, Dr. Malicious, as I sever Dale\u2019s optic nerves and reattach them to his sense of taste. And voila! The next superior sommelier is created! Muahhaahhaaa!\u201d Gimme a break.<\/p>\n

Actually, thinkin\u2019 about it, I suppose it would be awright to go blind if I got an uptick in the other senses. Like that Daredevil kid. Of course, firstly, he\u2019s in his twenties, and on the other hand, he\u2019s a comic book hero. But I\u2019d sign up for that. I been around my fair share of decades, and I\u2019ve seen plenty. Blind me if it\u2019ll make my hearin\u2019 better.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m guessing most folks won\u2019t want to lose their sense of sight. But what is there to look at? With hearing, you still got your bands from the 70s (before music went stupid), you still got your baseball games on the radio. What else do ya need?<\/p>\n

But Dale, you\u2019re sayin\u2019, this is your first post about not hittin\u2019 the strip clubs when your wife is outta town. You\u2019d give that up if you went blind. Well, thanks, ya jerk, for bringin\u2019 up strippers when I wasn\u2019t going to. And lemme tell ya, I can still go. Might be harder to get there, but I\u2019d still know the bartender, and you don\u2019t need eyes to enjoy properly made martini.<\/p>\n

You don\u2019t need ears, either, so I don\u2019t know if I\u2019d pick enhanced hearing if I was going to lose my eyesight. My wife makes a mean meatloaf. And I\u2019m sayin\u2019 mean in the sense that it calls you names to your face while you\u2019re eating it and then maybe tries to break your car windows when you\u2019re done. So I don\u2019t know if having a better sense of taste would be such a good thing for me either. Who knows, maybe there\u2019s some kinda wonderful spice down there underneath all the char. My luck it would be Turmeric. We went to Goa a few years ago on some kind of vacation and she brought back a gallon of the stuff.<\/p>\n

And I\u2019m not so sure what having an improved sense of touch would get me. Maybe I\u2019m at the Dancing Bare and Carla comes by for her tip and I reach in and I can tell just by feeling if I\u2019m grabbin\u2019 a Washington out of my wallet or a Jackson. I mean I know Carla\u2019s got the kid and she\u2019s working on her Associates but I give her a twenty just once and I look like a creep tryin\u2019 to buy somethin\u2019. Then again, I figure blind guys got special dividers for their bills so who needs touch?<\/p>\n

I guess I\u2019ll go with smell, then. Yep, gouge out my eyes, and make my snout a thing of beauty. Dogs live by, all the animals do, and they been around a lot longer than we have. I told you Loretta makes a mean meatloaf but up my olfactory and now I\u2019m picking out the perfume she puts on when we go to church but wears off by Sunday\u2019s chicken roast. I\u2019m smellin\u2019 the shampoo in her hair, the metals in her lipstick, the sweat on her upper lip because I don\u2019t care what temperature it is, putting on the AC in April just feels wrong. Global warming, am I right?<\/p>\n

That\u2019d be good for a laugh, anyway. I like hearin the old girl laugh. She come walztin by and I\u2019d smell soap and I\u2019d say something like, \u201cWash your hands again, Lo? You gettin\u2019 all OCD on me, woman?\u201d And it\u2019s cause she\u2019s visiting the ladies more often now but she couldn\u2019t admit that and I\u2019m blind so I can\u2019t see her blush but maybe I can smell it.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Postaday for June 7th:\u00a0Super Sensitive.\u00a0If you were forced to give up one sense, but gain super-sensitivity in another, which senses would you choose? How do ya mean, forced? What are you gonna do, hold a gun to me head and holler \u201cAwright, lose the sense of smell, jerk-face, or you\u2019ll be sleepin\u2019 wit da fishes. … <\/p>\n

Continue reading “The Nose Knows (Dale)”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[61],"tags":[214,239],"class_list":["post-1400","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-postaday","tag-dale","tag-senses"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p24y52-mA","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bukkhead.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1400","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bukkhead.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bukkhead.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bukkhead.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bukkhead.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1400"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/www.bukkhead.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1400\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1403,"href":"https:\/\/www.bukkhead.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1400\/revisions\/1403"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bukkhead.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1400"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bukkhead.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1400"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bukkhead.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1400"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}