{"id":1452,"date":"2015-06-15T16:23:39","date_gmt":"2015-06-15T23:23:39","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.bukkhead.com\/blog\/?p=1452"},"modified":"2015-06-16T16:36:36","modified_gmt":"2015-06-16T23:36:36","slug":"ex-falso-quodlibet","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.bukkhead.com\/blog\/2015\/06\/15\/ex-falso-quodlibet\/","title":{"rendered":"Ex Falso Quodlibet"},"content":{"rendered":"

Postaday for June 15th:\u00a0In a Crisis<\/a>.\u00a0<\/strong>Honestly evaluate the way you respond to crisis situations. Are you happy with the way you react?<\/em><\/p>\n

Of course \u201ccrisis\u201d comes from the Greek word \u201ccri\u201d meaning \u201cto shed tears\u201d and \u201csis\u201d meaning \u201cfemale sibling.” Isn\u2019t language weird? It turns I don\u2019t have a sister, and I don\u2019t tolerate crying in my presence. But let\u2019s, for the sake of argument (\u201darg,\u201d meaning \u201cfrustration,\u201d \u201cu\u201d meaning \u201cyou\u201d and \u201cment\u201d meaning \u201ca spicy herb used to make refreshing teas and chewing gum,\u201d which altogether means, \u201cfrustrating you with language that you sip or chew on\u201d i.e. \u201cblog\u201d) pretend I do have a sister and I do tolerate weeping. How would I evaluate the way I respond?<\/p>\n

I\u2019d evaluate my response as excellent. My made-up sister and I have almost nothing in common. I am a white male, married, in my forties, in need of losing a few pounds, fond of video games, running, and procrastinating on my taxes. My fake sister is Indian, single, in her twenties, skinny to the point of making people uncomfortable, and overly fond of extremely bitter chocolate, staying in touch with the friends she made on the Model UN in high school, and getting her taxes done, on, like, January 2nd. Not that she has a job. Lazy!<\/p>\n

We had a crisis situation last Christmas, when we were supposed to travel together to our parent\u2019s ranch in Southern North Dakota. Talk about a Clusterfubar. First, our flight was canceled. So we looked at taking the train. We were on the rails for about 30 minutes when, ha ha, the train wrecked. We walked ten miles in the sun and snow to a bus station. Get on the bus, and we\u2019re attacked by zombies. Great. We fend them off, but all the tires on the bus were popped in the process (my sister\u2019s aim with the shot gun is not what it used to be. I blame her liberal arts college). So we flagged down a farmer in his truck. I paid him cash for it. Everything was fine. We drove for about eight hours.<\/p>\n

We\u2019re nearly out of gas but there\u2019s signs saying a gas station is ten miles ahead. We pull in and I fill up while my sister goes in to the use the bathroom, buy some salty snacks, call her boyfriend, and call my wife (who isn\u2019t talking to me because she\u2019s mad at me because it was my idea to book a more expensive flight, which got canceled, and the cheaper, not-direct one she booked for me didn\u2019t get canceled, and when she found out she said to me, \u201cTold you so!\u201d and I replied \u201cYou only booked the cheap one because you couldn\u2019t go with us\u2014 if you didn\u2019t have to work, you would have booked the more expensive direct flight!\u201d And that made her mad because she knows I\u2019m right.)<\/p>\n

I top off the tank and screw the gas cap back in. My sister comes out with Doritoes, Skittles, a diet\u00a0<\/em>Mountain Dew for me (probably because after talking with my wife on the phone she took her side, the lazy little traitor) and a virgin Lime Ricky inna can for her. And we get in and we drive off and\u2026 yes, you guessed it. We get pulled over.<\/p>\n

For drinking and driving! Because apparently<\/em>\u00a0just because a beverage is a virgin<\/em>, that is, has no alcohol, the cops will still pull you over \u201cfor suspicion.\u201d And I tell the officer \u201cI\u2019m not the one drinking it! Little miss Bolivia over here is the one guzzling it!\u201d<\/p>\n

And my sister BURSTS INTO TEARS because she wasn\u2019t Bolivia in the Model UN, she was Paraguay. This is a crisis situation because I\u2019m pretty sure my sister got me an Apple Watch for Christmas (even though I said this was last Christmas. I\u2019m making this up, remember?) and if she thinks I\u2019m trying to be insulting because Bolivia has 10 million people to Paraguay\u2019s 6.5 million (i.e. I\u2019m calling her \u201cfat.\u201d Women!) then she might not give me the watch after all, and, probably, will tell my wife they next time they talk on the phone that when we were shooting zombies on the bus I even shouted \u201cTake that, Carla!\u201d My wife\u2019s name isn\u2019t even Carla!<\/p>\n

But I handled the crisis well. I tell the officer \u201cShe always cries like that when her brother is accused of murder.\u201d And the officer goes \u201cMurder?\u201d And I\u2019m all like, \u201cThen why did you pull us over\u201d And he says, \u201cDrinking and driving!\u201d And I say \u201cThat\u2019s impossible!\u201d And he says \u201cThe guy in the gas station said you bought a virgin Lime Ricky inna can!\u201d And I shout \u201cENTRAPMENT!\u201d because right then I notice officer \u201cLeyner\u201d has the same last name as \u201cLeyner\u2019s Gas n Go.\u201d HA!<\/p>\n

The cop blushes. He let\u2019s us go. He gets in his cruiser and leaves. I turn to my sister and say \u201cI always get Bolivia and Paraguay confused. I should know better. Of course you\u2019d be the country that was the home of the Guarani. Only a jerk would represent those damned Quechua. Please forgive me.\u201d<\/p>\n

Want to know how the story ends? Not only did I get my Apple Watch, but my sister also<\/em>\u00a0called my wife and took the blame for the flight switch. BOO-YA! Yes I do handle crisis situations very well. Like the time I didn\u2019t know how to respond to a blog prompt. 892 words!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Postaday for June 15th:\u00a0In a Crisis.\u00a0Honestly evaluate the way you respond to crisis situations. Are you happy with the way you react? Of course \u201ccrisis\u201d comes from the Greek word \u201ccri\u201d meaning \u201cto shed tears\u201d and \u201csis\u201d meaning \u201cfemale sibling.” Isn\u2019t language weird? It turns I don\u2019t have a sister, and I don\u2019t tolerate crying … <\/p>\n

Continue reading “Ex Falso Quodlibet”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[61],"tags":[268,267,270,269,259],"class_list":["post-1452","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-postaday","tag-apple-watch","tag-crisis","tag-lime-ricky","tag-sister","tag-zombies"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p24y52-nq","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bukkhead.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1452","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bukkhead.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bukkhead.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bukkhead.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bukkhead.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1452"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.bukkhead.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1452\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1453,"href":"https:\/\/www.bukkhead.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1452\/revisions\/1453"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bukkhead.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1452"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bukkhead.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1452"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bukkhead.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1452"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}