{"id":533,"date":"2013-01-10T10:00:35","date_gmt":"2013-01-10T18:00:35","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.bukkhead.com\/blog\/?p=533"},"modified":"2013-01-10T12:08:14","modified_gmt":"2013-01-10T20:08:14","slug":"hillbillilluminatti","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.bukkhead.com\/blog\/2013\/01\/10\/hillbillilluminatti\/","title":{"rendered":"Hillbillilluminatti"},"content":{"rendered":"

fiction by Jason Edwards<\/em><\/p>\n

Allright y\u2019all, allright now. When I hit this piece of wood with this here piece of wood, that means it\u2019s time to get started. Tarnation. We\u2019ve been doin this for a few thousand years, you\u2019d think y\u2019all\u2019d step in line. Thank you, Tavis. Anywhat, let\u2019s get \u2018er goin. We\u2019ll skip them minutes from last time, lump \u2018em up in our annual next month. Nah, Darlene, that don\u2019t mean you can chaw another bear claw. Siddown, we need this one recorded too. I tell you what. Nobody\u2019d figure us for runnin\u2019 the whole world, would they, this lack of decorum.<\/p>\n

Yes, decorum, Hank, I said it, and if you\u2019d been payin\u2019 mind to Abe\u2019s initiatives, you\u2019d know we\u2019re sneakin vocab into Media Control, part of Operation Topsy Turvey. Abe, you want to update us on that, since we\u2019re on the subject? Good, so you\u2019ve got the Hollywood elites and the independents doin\u2019 word shifts towards monosyllabics, and uppin\u2019 the SAT words in the reality shows, excellent. Any problems with that, resistance from the Jews? No? They\u2019re still perpetuated as the stereotypes running East and West Coast visual arts, right though? Okay good. We need to keep that one going, it\u2019s only halfway through the two hundred year plan.<\/p>\n

And there\u2019s a nice segue\u2014the middle East. Now, Kendrick, I got word that the Arab Spring has thrown a few wrenches into the redistribution of land rights, putting a small delay in things. Now, now, taker easy, Kendo, we ain\u2019t gwinter chuck ya into the scorpion pit just yet. We knew the middle east was set to a slow simmer when we started with the Shah back in \u201979. Hell, boy, why do you think we set up Isreal and Palestine, not to mention that mess back in \u201905? Nineteen, that is. Your safeguards are still in place, I assume. Good, that\u2019s what I like to hear. We got three false second comings planned for early 24th century\u2014no, Leron, that\u2019s not operation Buck Rogers, you\u2019re thinking of the moon shot, that\u2019s different\u2014where was I? Oh, yeah, Kenny, so long as we can maintain the factionalism for a few hundred more years, we\u2019re fine. Fact, if I didn\u2019t know better, I\u2019d say Arab Spring was our idea!<\/p>\n

Okay, y\u2019all had your laughin, let\u2019s move on. Uh, lessee, Hollis, gold prices? Nice job orchestrating the dip, we got a few suicides out of that, nothing major, but a few hopeful threads. Our man in Brooklyn says he\u2019s got this kid, son of a broker who killed himself, who\u2019s got real potential, might be able to set him up with another Occupy thing when he\u2019s of age in ten years or so. So well done on that. Bonds are looking good, too, although I don\u2019t think we rocked the boat enough on the Facebook thing. What do y\u2019all think, should we wreck a few servers, give \u2018em a few easy legislation changes, get their stock to bounce back and forth for a few months? We can put it to a vote? All in favor? Okay then, Macadam, that\u2019s you, have your team push the Honorable Upton on the energy and commerce committee, but leave the hookers out of it this time, we\u2019ve got those weakened fibers implanted in his heart and we don\u2019t want any kind of infarction leading to their discovery.<\/p>\n

Okay, I\u2019ll admit it, we do own all the doctors in DC, but who knows, he\u2019s liable to wander off to some drinkwater in Tennessee and hook up with a trailer park princess we don\u2019t know about until it\u2019s too late. I do not want another John F on our hands. That replacement wasn\u2019t very good and the assassination was a shambles. But I\u2019m preaching to the choir.<\/p>\n

Kinda ironic, how we sit here in this shack and control most of the major world\u2019s religions, pretty much every government, and all the world\u2019s financials, not to mention every left wing wack-job celebrity from here to Sundance to bollywood, but we can\u2019t keep an eye on all the strange quiff right here in our own backyard. Makes you– really, Mobeth, really? You\u2019re going to have a fourth danish? You think them things grow on trees? Yes, we control the world\u2019s wealth, and we don\u2019t do it just to throw diabetes pills at you. Now siddown. Thank you.<\/p>\n

Now I lost my train of thought. Oh, right, thank you Shelby. The NRA and Al Qaeda. Now, we\u2019ve had, what, fifteen different uncontrolled entities claiming to be members of Al Qaeda, and we\u2019ve managed to silence each one. As far as the NRA knows it, Al Q is a real organization and not just a series of empty financial transactions being chased by the CIA. Stop giggling, Chandler, this is serious. You\u2019d think the man who screwed up the CIA distribution of drugs in Harlem would be a little more respectful. Yeah, I know the vote to have you flayed and tossed into a volcano missed by one, but still, just cause you\u2019re still alive don\u2019t mean you got the right to interrupt my meeting.<\/p>\n

Yes, my meeting god damnit. I\u2019m in charge this month, Tavis has the annual, then it\u2019s Abe, then we vote on the next 12 chairmen, sorry, Darlene, chairpeople. Same as always. Give it a few decades, you might get reinstated, Chandler. Do something special, like Hollis did with the gold.<\/p>\n

What? Is it another powerpoint slide deck? You know how we hate those. Okay, posterboard, good. Is it on the agenda? Ah, nevermind, go ahead then. No, go on, you seem so eager, Chandler. Show us what you\u2019re thinking. Go on, Chandler, you look fit to bust.<\/p>\n

Well, that is interesting. And this Harry kid, he\u2019s from where? England? You think that\u2019s going to work? I see. New Direction, you call \u2018em. Well, we do need to shift some of the focus away from that Bieber fiasco. Shall we put it to a vote? Abe, is this going to fit or clash with anything you got coming up? Mobeth, you want to just go ahead and snarf down that fritter instead of hiding it in your shirt?<\/p>\n

Alright then, it\u2019s all yours Chandler. Don\u2019t screw it up. We\u2019re still cleaning up the whole Michael Jackson thing. Which reminds me– somebody send a text to Elvis. We need him to make another appearance in Texas. They\u2019re getting too big for their britches again, we need to take \u2018em down a notch or two. Like Florida.<\/p>\n

Okay, meeting adjourned, then. I\u2019ll see y\u2019all next month.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

fiction by Jason Edwards Allright y\u2019all, allright now. When I hit this piece of wood with this here piece of wood, that means it\u2019s time to get started. Tarnation. We\u2019ve been doin this for a few thousand years, you\u2019d think y\u2019all\u2019d step in line. Thank you, Tavis. Anywhat, let\u2019s get \u2018er goin. We\u2019ll skip them … <\/p>\n

Continue reading “Hillbillilluminatti”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-533","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-fiction"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p24y52-8B","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bukkhead.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/533","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bukkhead.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bukkhead.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bukkhead.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bukkhead.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=533"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/www.bukkhead.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/533\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":551,"href":"https:\/\/www.bukkhead.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/533\/revisions\/551"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bukkhead.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=533"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bukkhead.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=533"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bukkhead.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=533"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}