Month: August 2020

Posted on

It Is Finished

A lot of things happened today.

  • I watched a Hearthstone event on Twitch and got a free pack for it. Inside: a legendary card.
  • I made it to Platinum for the first time on an eight-game winning streak. My reward: a classic epic that I only had one of before.
  • Got my braces tightened.
  • Drank a 6-pack of beer.
  • Got my 500th Priest win!

I also made a metric ass-ton of noodles and drowned them in a garlic meat sauce, but that wasn’t so much an accomplishment as a confession.

I’ve notice that I win way more playing in the evening (Pacific time) than in the morning. I don’t know who’s playing in which time-zone at those times, but it’s how I got to Platinum. And the thing is, I did it after I go my 500th priest win. After all the grinding, I went ahead and played two more games to get to the next floor.

So there’s two milestones knocked out. I have earned my hangover. I should take a break from hearthstone now, at least until the new moth begins, but I’m kind of eager to see which class rustles my jimmies for the next haul. For the record, Shaman is the class that lags behind the most for me. Also, I didn’t see them too much on the ladder.

Or whatever, but I doubt I’ll hit Platinum five. But that’s okay. I now have a golden priest that I can ignore for the next few years.

Posted on

Soon I’ll Never Have to Play Priest Again*

*Until it’s time to go for 1000 wins.

Only 25 wins to go before I finally get my golden priest. It feels like I’ve been playing priest for ever and that’s probably because I have; I’ve been playing priest exclusively for so long that space-time has warped around my game screen and no matter what class I pick to play, it’s priest, and versus control decks every game last for about a million years, maybe two, three if we both hit fatigue.

I’ll probably end up going for all 25 wins in one play session, and in that way achieve a kind of brain-fuzz and body odor that only a priest could love. And I mean that in as disgusting a way as you can imagine. Share my suffering. Picture me, bloated, reeking, reeling, shouting at my computer screen at three in the morning. “DAMN IT STOP PLAYING DEVOLVING MISSILES JANA! I WANT TO SEE MY FAMILY AGAIN YOU @#$%^&!

It hasn’t been all bad. You can see in the screenshot below my rank is Gold 2. I’ve been as high as Gold 1. For anyone worth their salt, that’s chump change, but for a metaphor mixer like me, it’s pretty good. Chalk it up to perseverance not being smart enough to know when to stop. And dumb luck. Lots ‘n lots of dumb luck.

Gonna put on some Judas Priest, grab my rosary-fidget-spinner, and move the Keurig over next to my desk. Should be a hoot and a holler. And then, after a nice rest (until, say 2022) I’ll chase golden shaman. Because I hate myself.

%d bloggers like this: