Review: Lexicon

Lexicon
Lexicon by Max Barry
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

Went to the library to pick up a book, saw this one on the “New” shelf. How come no one told me Max Barry had a new novel out? I need to update my Google alerts.

And it’s about words and more specifically linguistics and even more specifically neurolinguistics (actually, psycholinguistics, but let’s not split hairs). Even better! The NLP thing taken to it’s inevitable end, nice. I’m all in.

21 hours later and I’m all done. Max Barry knows how to pace a thriller, doesn’t he. With just enough pseudo-science thrown in to keep this from being a Lee Child joint but not so much that you feel you’re getting Dan Browned.

However, once I stepped back, found myself trying to explain the book to my wife, I realized it was a bit thin. A blurb on the book jacket used the phrased “weaponized Chomskian linguistics.” But no, not really. More like J.K Rowling’s magic-word-creation trope used to good effect. Another blurb said “Elmore Leonard high out of his min on Snowcrash.” Not really.

I realize I’m more reviewing blurbs here than the book. Fine, whatever. My point is—it’s better to go into Lexicon with no expectations, because then it’s a mighty good read. But you’ve read this review now, the shape of the book is already haunting your expectations like a ghost. I’m programming you.

Unwittingly, though. I’m just saying—not as deep as Jennifer Government, or even Company, but it has their paranoia and Barry way-ups the thrill ride, so worth it.

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Review: The Spellmans Strike Again

The Spellmans Strike Again
The Spellmans Strike Again by Lisa Lutz
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

I can’t imagine that anyone who’s read The Spellman Files, Curse of the Spellmans, and Revenge of the Spellmans won’t wind up reading The Spellmans Strike Again. Nor can I imagine anyone deciding to start with this fourth novel before reading the others. So what they heck am I supposed to review here, exactly? Maybe someone’s considering the entire series and reading reviews to make sure the books don’t start great then go bad. Fine: that won’t happen. What you get out of the first novels you’ll get out if this one too.

Hijinks and such. The same mish-mash of intertwining plots that don’t really intertwine all that much. I’ll say this: Lisa made me feel some of Izzy’s emotions, especially frustration, more than before. I won’t give it away to people who haven’t read it, but: the file room incident? Morty? Yeah, I was more in touch with Isabel Spellman than in any of the previous novels.

Which makes me wonder what I’m going to get out of Spellman #5, which I’m hoping to start reading later today. And I WILL read it. But will Rae be in it (of course she will be). What about the Unit (they will be too—sometimes I think, as an author and therefor God of the Spellman fiction-verse, Lutz must somewhat identify with Olivia). Will Henry have more of a role?

I could go on, but the point is: questions to be answered in the next review. I hope. Or not.

If you take nothing else away from this “review” (finger quoted, Izzy, just for you) let it be this: read the first three books, and read this one too.

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Review: Revenge of the Spellmans

Revenge of the Spellmans
Revenge of the Spellmans by Lisa Lutz
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

I remember, once, someone complaining about a video game sequel that I’d enjoyed, saying “It’s just like the first one!.” But I liked the first one, so, to me, the sequel was more of that goodness. So too with Revenge of the Spellmans. I don’t feel like there’s much more here than in the previous two novels, The Spellman Files and Curse of the Spellmans—which I thoroughly enjoyed. And there’s certainly no less in this third novel.

(Here’s a thought—can I get away with writing the same review each time? Eh, probably not.)

Anyyway, for those who are wondering, rest assured: here are the same old Spellmans. Mom is still manipulative, dad is still stubborn, brother is still aloof, sister is still uncontrollable, and main character is still a little bit off-kilter. Maybe not as much as in the previous two, but enough to keep the reader liking her.

And, for what it’s worth, Lutz introduces a few more characters to keep this cavalcade fun and immersive. There’s the crush’s new girlfriend, there’s the bartender’s cousin, there’s an old foe come back to play havoc with… and more.

So, as much as I’m saying that Revenge is just like Curse and Files, the truth is you’ll enjoy Revenge all the more if you read the other two first—and despite extensive explanations, footnotes, and an appendix, you really do need to read the first two.

And once you do read the first two, reading this third one is inexorable.

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Review: Curse of the Spellmans

Curse of the Spellmans
Curse of the Spellmans by Lisa Lutz
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Curse of the Spellmans had been waiting for me, patiently, as I crawled through a few other agonizingly slow reads. Here’s how good it was when I finally got to it: 25 hours from page 1 to page 409, (meals, work, sleeping, but no video games).

I’m not a fast reader, but I’ll stick with a tome if I’m enjoying myself. I thoroughly enjoyed Curse of the Spellmans. I knew I was going to read it as soon as I finished The Spellman Files, and as soon as I’m done writing this review, I’m finding the closest library and heading over there for the third in the series.

Ignore the back of the book, where it says “part Bridget Jones, part Columbo.” Nobody’s into both, so it’s only meant to be a surface-level comparison, and it’s wrong. Izzy Spellman’s no stereotype, and these mysteries aren’t so pat. They’re fun, with enough of a serious edge to not come across as goofy or silly.

Because otherwise, the people in Izzy’s life comes across as goofy and silly. But in that way that your own friends and family do—doesn’t mean you don’t respect them. Doesn’t mean they don’t have depth.

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Review: Sharp Objects

Sharp Objects
Sharp Objects by Gillian Flynn
My rating: 2 of 5 stars

Look at me, turning in a Gillian Flynn scholar. A reluctant one. Like my read of Dark Places, with Sharp Objects I was in a situation where I was done with one book and nothing else to read, nor a handy way to get something new. Sharp Objects already on the e-reader (my wife’s). I realize I’m repeating myself, introducing a review like this. But I think it’s apt: some books are only to be read because there’s nothing else to read.

So, let’s see: I’ve read the Flynn novels now in reverse order of publication. Oddly, this one, Sharp Objects, is the best of the three, in my opinion. I’m trying to damn with faint praise, here—Sharp Objects is only better because Gone Girl has that terrible ending and Dark Places is just gritty and mean and hateful.

Sharp Objects is a bit of a combination of the two. We’re in Missouri, we’re surrounded by people who justify the term “fly-over,” we’re inundated with alcohol, drugs, and sex. What Bret Easton Ellis would have written if instead of a small college town in Vermont, he had pig-factory town in the Midwest to work with.

Most of all, Sharp Objects reaffirms my take from the other Flynn novels: misogynistic. Every female character is cliché, a stereotype. Here’s a direct quote from the main character: “illness sits inside every woman, waiting to bloom.” Go ahead, tell me that this is a fiercely political point of view, more “gonzo feminism.”

Maybe. If the writing was better. If the “twist” ending wasn’t so tossed-in-at-the-last-minute, if half the things the main character did made sense, if, as I mentioned above, the threadbare storyline was patched together with more than sex, and alcohol, and drugs.

If you liked Flowers in the Attic but are all grown up now, you’ll love Sharp Objects. Here’s my prediction: Lena Dunham will star in the film version. Not the creative force-to-be-reckoned-with-Lena from Girls. No, I mean the Lena Dunham who’s been castigated for the terrible things she proudly, gushingly confessed to in her autobiography.

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The Week in Music

Postaday for January 31st: Playlist of the WeekTell us how your week went by putting together a playlist of  five songs that represent it.

I get up in the morning and get on the internet, check the weather forecast and yesterday’s news. Use the bathroom, wake my wife up, have some coffee, send my wife out the door, and get on conference calls. Write a bunch of back-dated blog posts, gobble something for lunch, more con calls, greet the wife when she comes home. TV, dinner, TV, bed-time. Every day, all week long. Unless John Cage has been composing concertos for creaky office chair and Keurig machine, there is no playlist to describe such a week.

So let’s make a playlist for the way I’d like to the week to go:

  • Meximelt (live version) by Southern Culture on the Skids
  • Make Total Destroy by Periphery, covered by Zombie Frogs
  • Triad by Tool
  • Smash by Avishai Cohen
  • Lionheart by Emancipator.

Monday starts off with a surf-guitar offering. A rolling riff and tight drumwork get the week going with a lot of energy, setting up high productivity and not a little creativity to keep that mile-long to-do list under control.

Tuesday rolls right into a drum-and-piano instrumental cover of a heavy metal screamer. Virtuosity not only substitutes for rage and anger, but overcomes it, rendering even the most mind-numbing conference call worth the time and endurable .

Wednesday picks up where Tuesday left off, taking that virtuosity and rage and weaving it into a complex, multi-layered and nuanced negotiation of the otherwise disparate forces that threaten to thwart getting the job done. Guitar and drum cooperate, fight, cooperate.

Thursday seeks to simplify the complexities that had built up over the previous days, eschewing noise for a return to a rhythm-driven reminder that the job’s just a job. A bouncing piano floats on a tide of driving bass played on multiple bass-instruments, with a sharp drum set to stitch it all together.

Friday eases way back, takes the remaining energy and closes out the week with a quiet piano above drums that roll without rocking, drive without hurtling. Quiet interludes in vox and synthesized acoustic guitar foreshadow a peaceful weekend, while lingering strings  suggest the promise of the restful sleep to come, reward for a week’s work well done and necessary rejuvenations for the week ahead.

Saturday and Sunday are just a lot of Weird Al Yankovic.

I Didn’t Even Want the Five Things I Did Take

Postaday for January 30th: BurntRemember this prompt, when your home was on fire and you got to save five items? That means you left a lot of stuff behind. What are the things you wish you could have taken, but had to leave behind?

Oh for fuck’s sake.

You want to know the truth? None of that stuff I recovered was all that necessary. Most of my computer stuff is saved in the cloud. Those books I grabbed aren’t all that good anyway. My engraved watch is nice, but I hardly ever wear it anymore, and the marathon it commemorates wasn’t that fast. The bottle of rum is so easily replaceable as to make me laugh, and I totally made up the part about my wife’s potato salad. It’s my mom’s recipe, and she’ll make it any time I want.

And as for that wedding album— I just needed a punch line. We have all the pictures on the computer, and like I said, that stuff’s all backed up in the cloud.

Don’t get me wrong, it was real fun running back into that fire. Nevermind the fact that if I hadn’t woken up when I did, I’d have died in it. Or that my wife seemed to be perfectly okay— she, apparently, made it out with plenty of time to spare, while I was left to snore away in the heat and smoke on our living room couch.

I’m being sarcastic, by the way. It wasn’t fun at all.

Nor was it fun dealing with the insurance people. Act of God, my ass. We finally got a check, for my half of what everything was worth. My wife keeps saying its my fault, that I didn’t demonstrate enough regret at all the things I left behind, all the things I didn’t save.

Well, sue me for not having an emotional attachment to crap. It’s all replaceable. Okay, maybe I like the way my ‘500 Mile Award’ Nike shirt felt after years of wash and wearing. I can buy a new one, but it’ll be new-shirt stiff, you know what I mean. But how am I supposed to use THAT to get a better settlement out of the insurance company?

What, I’m supposed to feel bad about the TV and the bed and the refrigerator full of fat-free Greek yogurt? Sorry, but not sorry.

The day before I that damned fire, I’d gone for a nice long run. Never synched my GPS watch, though. Now I’ll never know what my average speed on that run was. So, there. That’s the one thing I regret. Not.

Review: The Good Thief

The Good Thief
The Good Thief by Hannah Tinti
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

The Good Thief by Hannah Tinti reads like a fairy tale. And I’m not sure if I have much more to say than that (although not having anything much to say has never stopped me before). It reminded me of Life of Pi, really, with it’s quasi-fantastical elements. Yes, that’s the right word for it: fantasy. But not the kind with dwarves and giants and castle… although there was indeed a dwarf and a giant and a castle in the novel.

I haven’t read Big Fish but I’ve seen the movie; The Good Thief has that sort of feel to it. Except whereas the main character in Big Fish spins a tale of magic out of his real-world experiences, with The Good Thief you only get the realworld parts. A few small towns in colonial New England, an isolated monastery turned orphanage, a mouse-trap factory built like a castle. An adventurer, a school-teacher turned drunk, and a boy with only one hand.

It’s a novel filled to bursting with symbolism, although I can’t say that I’m ready, yet, to tell anyone what all those symbols mean. The book doesn’t have much of a plot, reading more like a picaresque. Sort of.

I’m afraid I’m not doing a very good job of explaining any of this. You should just read the book. I came across it from a friend, a long-time friend who loves to read as much as I do. She told me she loved this book, and I can see why. It’s interesting that, for the most part, we rarely agree on how good a book is, or what it means. But on occasion we do agree. I’m going to get a copy of this one and have my wife read it. When my kids are old enough, I’ll have them read it too.

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Save the Best for Last

Postaday for January 29th: Burning Down the HouseYour home is on fire. Grab five items (assume all people and animals are safe). What did you grab?

Heat cocoons, heavy and thick, but a sweet spear of cold beckons, pulls, a line of oxygen, collapsing fast as I stumble out of the room, bounce off a doorway, through the hall. Out the front door and all is smoke and choke and black, I’m falling, dropping out of the haze and the heat onto the cold wet grass, thank god.

Something shifts under my head. I crane to look up at a tower of canvas and crude stitching. A gloved hand is thrust in my face. I grip at and I’m hauled to my feet. My knees buckle under the sudden head rush. When my vision clears, a muffled voice behind sooted plexiglass shouts something that ends with, “do you understand, Mr. Edwards?”

I open my mouth to reply, and cough a thick gray cloud, ripping my lungs to pieces, twisting my gut into knots. Finally I manage “What?”

The roar of the fire subsides a few notes as I’m pulled closer to the road. Bystanders bathed in shifting blues and reds, wide eyed andf cringing against the hear of the blaze. “I said you have to go back in there! Mr. Edwards! Your family and pets are safe, but you have to go back in there and bring back five things! Do you understand?”

I blink a few times, my eyes somehow finding moisture inside themselves. “I don’t have any pets!” I yell.

“Okay, good! Five things, Mr. Edwards!” He grabs my shoulders and spins me around.

“Why?” I manage to shout. Just turning to face the fire, it’s tripled in heat, and too bright to look into.

“It’s for the daily prompt! Now go!” He pushes me, and like a fool in rush while angels stand aside cowering, I go back into my burning house.

Sweat pops up on every inch of body, a refined mixture of water and sebaceous secretions, covering me in a protective coat of wax. I throw an arm up against the searing brightness, hide my mouth in the crook of elbow against the smoke. Through the front door and up the stairs, with each step rising the heat gets hotter. Down a dark hall that’s more smoke than fire, into my office. Yank my computer from below my desk, cords flying as they pop out of peripherals. All my photos, my word docs, my stupid video games. I hurl it at my office window, hoping someone outside might catch it.  The computer punches through the glass, and the sudden intake of air sets the entire room on fire— the blast launches me out the door and back into the hallway.

Five things? Think! I crawl on hands and knees towards the guest room. That’s where the book case is. Books. If they’re not so much ash right now.  I grab few rare paperbacks, old dime-store copies of Ross H. Spencer’s early works. Not because they’re valuable. Just because they’d be hard to replace. I haven’t read them in years. Shove them down the front of my pants.

My breath is labored and heat has sapped most of my strength. I crawl across the hall into my bedroom. Reach up on the dresser and pull the watch winder down, which bounces of my head. A hot wetness, I’m bleeding. One eye closes against the sting of it. I rip the watch out of the winder. A gift from my wife, to congratulate me for my first marathon. She had it engraved.  Shove it in my pocket.

Crawl out of the bedroom and to the stairs again. I try to stand up as I descend them, a feat in combination with the flames that results in my tumbling all the way down. I lie at the bottom for a moment. The books in my pants have afforded me a few odd bruises. I stand up and move around the corner. Into the living room, the small bar there. Open it, grab a rare bottle of premium rum we got on a trip to Puerto Rico. Tuck it under one arm, trip over a burning beam that falls from the ceiling. Am I even breathing anymore. Go through a doorway.

Into the kitchen. This is where the fire must have started. This is insane. This is an incredibly stupid reason to risk death. I open the refrigerator, and grab a half-eaten bowl if my wife’s potato salad. I’m lucky if she makes it once every few years. No way I’m letting this one go to waste. No damn way.

And the rest is momentum. I’m blind at this point, my skin and muscle and bones a collection of white-hot rocks scraping together. I’m running as wood and glass and stone and brick explode around me. I’m careening across the porch, my shoes in flames and dragging behind me as fall, one more time, onto the crisping lawn.

The fireman catches me, hauls me towards the street. He’s pulling my saved items from me, pounding me on the back in congratulations, shoving an oxygen mask in my face. I have never consumed anything more delicious. My eyes are shut but I can I still see the white hot flames dancing.

A nudge on my shoulder. I open my eyes. My wife’s face. Pristine, untouched by the fire. “What about our wedding album?” she screeches, her eyes wide.

I turn to the firearm. “This stupid prompt. Is it set in stone? Can it be six items?” I start to cough, my stomach a clench ball of knives.

The fireman just shrugs. “It’s your word-count, pal.”

I grab my wife, kiss her fiercely, and then run back towards the flames.

Porpalmanogism

Postaday for January 28th: Play LexicographerCreate a new word and explain its meaning and etymology.

A palintext is a context created such that a particular word has the same meaning when spelled backwards. For example, consider the following sentence:

He worshiped a canine.

With this sentence, a dog is a god.

The water coursed through the moldy pipes, a lupine creature darting through a forest.

With this sentence, a flow is a wolf.

The word palintext is an example of a portmanteau, a word created by fusing two words together, to create a meaning that combines the words’ meanings. In this case, palintext is a portmanteau of palindrome and context. A portmanteau can be considered a neologism.

Sometimes the creation of a palintext requires the creation of a neologism. For example:

I created a creature that scans for small objects for the purpose of retrieving them, specifically small spherical objects that have been thrown some distance. I did this by way of repeated conjoinings of somewhat similar creatures, until I achieved a creature with four legs, a longish snout, and short hair in either blonde, brown, or black. The scanning is not unlike radar, and since the small objects retrieved are balls, that roll, I call this creature a rolled radar ball retriever, or rodarbal for short. My wife insists on calling it a Labrador retriever. But then, she’s insane, and requires medication.

In the above, rodarbal is a neologism and a portmanteau. A word created in this way merely for the sake of creating a pallintext is porpalmanogism.

In so far as most pallintexts are terrible, all portpalmanogisms are truly awful, and their creators should be, at the very least, insulted repeatedly, perhaps even burned at the stake.