Sartorially Challenged

Postaday for May 14th: The Clothes (May) Make the (Wo)man. How important are clothes to you? Describe your style, if you have one, and tell us how appearance impacts how you feel about yourself.

I have no style. I am a 43-year-old married white man, upper middle-class, chubby, raised in the mid-west, work from home. I am the antithesis of style. I could wear the nattiest tux, cowboy boots and a beer hat and still be invisible. I’ve got a bear—out of laziness. I’ve got a receding hairline— thanks, genetics. I’ve got green eyes, but I’m going to have to go back to glasses soon, so say goodbye to seeing those.

I’m not bitter or anything. I’m no fashion monkey… not that I begrudge other’s their sartorial endeavors. Have at it. My wife looks good in pretty much everything (I admit I am biased, however). And some people have the body to make even jeans and a t-shirt look good, so it doesn’t matter what they wear. I guess I’m the opposite of that— nothing’s going to make people go wow when they see me, so jeans and a t-shirt it is.

If anything, lately, I’m finding that all my favorite t-shirts are gray. And when I buy a shirt for some reason, I end upo getting ray ones. Not sure why this is. Otherwise, shirt tend to run towards non-branded and plain. Or I find I’ll choose them for how soft they are. I am the opposite of the woman in the Steve Martin short story Cruel Shoes.

Sometimes I do get in a Hawaiian short mood. I have a handful of those, and I like to wear them now and again. I thinki that’s because I like tropical vacations so much, and I want to somehow magically evoke that sense of peace and relaxation. Either that, or its because on TV retired spies and private eyes wear Hawaiian shirts and while I don’t have the guys and bravado to be a spy, I think I’d be a pretty good retired spy.

At our house I’m the one who does the laundry, and even though there’s only two of us, it sure does feel like a lot of laundry. I think if I ever won the lottery, I’d just have new clothes delivered to the house every day. In a variety of styles. “But wouldn’t it be better to hire someone to do your laundry?” Nah, this is a fantasy, so let me have my dream. New clothes, every day, especially socks. nothing feels better than putting on brand-new socks.

And there’s where the proof of my style-less-ness comes through. I like hawaiin shorts, cargo shorts, and new socks. You tell me what that would look like 😉

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